APRIL 20, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Silver Ocean Tanker Sinks Near Natal. Impact: If the Silver Ocean hadn't sunk, who knows, it could have turned into an underwater tourism attraction! Imagine divers saying, 'Oh look, a sunken ship—just like the Titanic, but with less dramatic music.'. Fact: The ocean is basically the world's biggest graveyard, with ships, planes, and who knows what else just chilling at the bottom!.
• Headline: Vietnamese Forces Capture Saang Town. Impact: The seizure of Saang was a wake-up call for the Cambodian government, which probably spent the next few decades playing catch-up. Spoiler alert: they didn't win that game.. Fact: Surprise attacks are basically the guerrilla warfare equivalent of 'Surprise! It’s your birthday!' but with way less cake and a lot more chaos..
• Headline: ASSEMBLY PASSES 4 TAX MEASURES TO HELP THE CITY. Impact: These tax measures might have helped NYC, but they also sparked a deep love affair with the lottery, which eventually led to countless 'I could've been a millionaire' stories over cheap beer.. Fact: The lottery is the only place where you can literally throw away your money for the chance to win something you probably wouldn't be responsible enough to handle anyway..
• Headline: Pollution Perils a French Church. Impact: Monet's efforts to save Strasbourg Cathedral from pollution were like putting a Band-Aid on a sinking ship. Because, you know, stonework can totally do cardio.. Fact: Strasbourg Cathedral is a masterpiece, but it’s also a great example of how pollution can ruin a good thing—kind of like too much cologne on a first date..
• Headline: Vietnam Moratorium Committee Is Disbanding. Impact: The disbanding of the Vietnam Moratorium Committee may have seemed like a quiet ending, but it was more like the awkward silence after a breakup—everyone just pretended it was fine.. Fact: Moratoriums are like taking a break from your long-term relationship with war—only to realize the relationship is still very much alive and kicking..
• Headline: Blackmun Expects to Disagree With Burger on Some Issues. Impact: Blackmun's disagreements with Burger could be seen as the beginning of a long tradition of Supreme Court justices disagreeing on everything from pizza toppings to the Constitution itself.. Fact: Supreme Court justices are like family members at Thanksgiving—everyone has an opinion, and no one leaves without a heated debate..