APRIL 11, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lindsay Proposes New Parking Tax for NYC. Impact: The extension of sales tax on parking lots led to an underground economy of secret parking spaces where motorists exchanged handshakes and coded messages to avoid taxes. This eventually inspired the creation of a secret society of parking ninjas in NYC.. Fact: Did you know that the average motorist spends more time looking for parking than actually driving? Makes you wonder if they should just charge for the search time, too..
• Headline: Wives and Clergy Influence on Votes. Impact: The intense lobbying by wives and clergy led to the eventual rise of 'Vote for your Spouse' campaigns, where candidates ran on platforms promising to let their partners decide the real issues, like what to have for dinner.. Fact: The phrase 'behind every great man is a woman' was actually coined during these lobbying sessions, but no one thought to add 'and a clergyman armed with a compelling sermon.'.
• Headline: Tragic Jet Crash at Udorn Air Base. Impact: The crash of J.S. Jet sparked a series of dramatic aviation safety regulations. This ultimately led to the invention of the 'emergency parachute for pilots', which was ironically deemed unnecessary when it became a trend for pilots to just 'jump ship'.. Fact: Airplane crashes have a 100% survival rate... if you happen to be a groundhog. They just burrow down and wait it out..
• Headline: 5 of 6 U.S. Moon Veterans Eligible for Future Flights. Impact: The eligibility of moon veterans for future flights created a bizarre intergalactic race among astronauts to one-up each other with outrageous moon stories, leading to the annual 'Moonwalkers' storytelling contest—which is still debated as to whether it's a sport or performance art.. Fact: Buzz Aldrin once punched a conspiracy theorist who claimed the moon landing was faked. Turns out, even astronauts can't handle being called liars!.
• Headline: Rice U. President Resigns As Chicago 7 Talk Is Barred. Impact: The resignation of Rice U. President led to a series of increasingly ridiculous protests on campus, including a 'Sit-In for No More Sit-Ins' initiative that somehow gained traction among students who were just tired of sitting.. Fact: Rice University students once staged a protest to stop the administration from allowing protests. It was a confusing time for everyone involved..
• Headline: Ex‐Pentagon Aide Considered for City School Post. Impact: Otto's consideration for the school post led to a new trend of hiring Pentagon aides for educational roles, which unintentionally turned classrooms into mini boot camps. Students learned math through military drills—'One, two, three, four, carry the one!'. Fact: Education reformers have since tried to distance themselves from 'militarized' schools, but let's be honest, the kids were probably just training for dodgeball tournaments..
• Headline: Apollo 13 Theme: ‘From the Moon, Knowledge’. Impact: The Apollo 13 theme of 'knowledge from the moon' sparked an era where every scientific experiment was accompanied by overly dramatic music. Scientists now have to score their findings like movie trailers, complete with epic orchestras.. Fact: The only thing more difficult than landing on the moon? Trying to explain your scientific studies to friends who think 'quantum physics' is just a fancy term for 'magic.'.
• Headline: Hawaii Volcano Erupts. Impact: Kilauea’s eruption caused a surge in tourism as adrenaline junkies flocked to witness the 'lava show', inadvertently creating a new Hawaiian reality TV show called 'Survivor: Volcano Edition'.. Fact: Hawaii's volcanoes are so active that some locals have started referring to them as 'the world's most dramatic soap opera'. Every eruption is a cliffhanger!.
• Headline: 89 CIVILIANS SLAIN IN CAMBODIA FIGHT. Impact: The tragic loss of civilians in Cambodia led to international outcry and advocacy movements that somehow morphed into a global campaign for better snacks during humanitarian crises. Priorities, right?. Fact: War often leads to unexpected consequences. Who knew that a tragedy could inspire a debate over the best granola bar to pack for peacekeeping missions?.
• Headline: 5 Convicted War Protesters Refuse to Surrender to Start Terms. Impact: The refusal of war protesters to surrender initiated a theatrical standoff that inspired the first-ever 'Prisoner’s Rights Theater', where convicted protesters performed their cases in a dramatic reenactment. Tickets sold out faster than you can say 'civil disobedience'.. Fact: The Catonsville Nine inspired so many protests that they inadvertently started a trend of civil disobedience-themed escape rooms. Not surprisingly, they were a hit..