JANUARY 3, 1970

Full News Archive

• Headline: Queens Democrats Celebrate Leviss Induction. Impact: Leviss's induction inspired a secret society of politicians who believed they could unite the universe through awkward photo ops. Spoiler: they failed spectacularly, but the selfies were legendary.. Fact: Did you know that 'Leviss' is actually a code word among politicians for 'let's avoid any real issues'?.
• Headline: Cries of Outrage and Prospect of Revolt by Riders Greet News of Fare Increase. Impact: The outrage over the fare increase led to the formation of a bus-riders militia, which eventually turned into a comedy troupe. Their first show? 'The Bus Stops Here!'. Fact: Here's a fun fact: The average person spends more time waiting for a bus than they do on their actual commute. A real-life thriller!.
• Headline: FINCH RELAXES SECURITY CHECKS FOR CONSULTANTS. Impact: Relaxing security checks for consultants resulted in a bizarre influx of questionable experts, including a part-time magician who claimed he could make healthcare inefficiencies disappear. Spoiler: he didn't.. Fact: Did you know that the first character reference given by a consultant is usually their mom? Because that always works out, right?.
• Headline: A Law Named for Willie Sutton Assists Physicial. Impact: Sutton's Law inadvertently led to a renaissance in speed-diagnosis techniques, which later inspired a hit board game called 'Diagnose It Fast', where players compete to treat imaginary patients before the timer runs out.. Fact: Fun fact: Sutton's Law was inspired by the idea that if doctors can speed things up, they can charge double for consultations. Because, you know, capitalism..
• Headline: Wharton Takes Charge As Michigan State Head. Impact: Wharton's presidency sparked a trend of universities hiring presidents based on their ability to perform interpretive dance at board meetings. Academics have never been more entertaining.. Fact: Did you know that Wharton was chosen not just for his qualifications but because he could also juggle? Multitasking at its finest!.
• Headline: GALLEY'S LAWYER FLIES TO SONNY. Impact: Calley's legal teams' adventures in Vietnam became the inspiration for a blockbuster series featuring a rogue lawyer and his trusty sidekick, a talking gavel named 'Justice'.. Fact: Did you know that legal drama series often get their ideas from real-life courtroom antics? So, yes, it's not just fiction!.
• Headline: NEW HEAD OF BRONX URGES FREE TRANSIT. Impact: The push for free transit sparked a short-lived movement where people began hitching rides on the backs of friendly horses. Unfortunately, the horses weren't too keen on the idea.. Fact: Did you know that free transit is often just a political promise that vanishes quicker than your last subway train?.
• Headline: 17 IN JERSEY DENY NUMBERS CHARGE. Impact: The Mafia's denial of charges led to a resurgence of conspiracy theories in the local community, which resulted in the first annual 'Conspiracy Fest' where attendees dressed as their favorite theories.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more elusive than a Mafia boss is a clear explanation of what actually happened during their trials!.