NOVEMBER 15, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: F-111 Aircraft Grounded Over Heat Concerns. Impact: After grounding the F-111s, the resulting frustration led to a secret underground society of frustrated pilots who started a trend of 'extreme lawn mowing' as a creative outlet. This bizarre hobby eventually led to the formation of a new Olympic sport, much to the chagrin of serious athletes everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that the F-111 was originally designed to be a versatile aircraft but ended up being a versatile excuse for why no one could get their flight hours in?.
• Headline: U.S. Students Protest in Berlin. Impact: The protests in Berlin sparked a global movement of students demanding change, leading to the invention of the 'student discount' as a way for businesses to avoid protests. This, in turn, caused a rise in overpriced coffee shops that only cater to those who claim to be 'working on their manuscript'.. Fact: Fun fact: Picketing is actually just a fancy way of saying, ‘I’m too broke to afford a megaphone, so I’ll just hold a sign and hope for the best.’.
• Headline: Soutines Shine at LA Gallery. Impact: The art show featuring Soutine's paintings led to a renaissance in the appreciation of abstract art. This sparked a new generation of artists who thought splattering paint on a canvas was a valid career choice, leading to a spike in unsolicited art critiques on social media.. Fact: In art circles, the phrase '28 paintings are better than none' is often shortened to 'my bank account is still empty.'.
• Headline: South Carolina Coach Says He Rejected Draft Position. Impact: By rejecting the draft position, Coach Dietzel inadvertently inspired a whole generation of coaches to prioritize their comfort over their country, leading to the phenomenon of 'coaching from the couch' which is now a prevalent practice in fantasy sports leagues.. Fact: Who knew that turning down a job could lead to a new career in procrastination? Truly inspiring..
• Headline: Talks at G.E. to Resume. Impact: The resumption of talks at G.E. led to the realization that talking in circles is an Olympic sport in corporate America. This discovery prompted corporations worldwide to hire professional talkers, resulting in a surge of people employed solely to attend meetings without accomplishing anything.. Fact: The real reason talks resumed? Someone finally found the coffee machine that had gone missing for weeks..
• Headline: Article 1 -- No Title. Impact: Questioning a former Soviet spy led to a series of spy novels that turned out to be more entertaining than the actual Cold War itself. This literary trend created a global fascination with espionage that resulted in an entire genre of movies featuring over-the-top gadgets and poorly executed accents.. Fact: If you ever feel useless, just remember that some people are still trying to figure out how to spy on spies. That's a career path too!.
• Headline: Trudeau Says Biafran Chief Is Interested Only in Arms. Impact: Trudeau's comments about Biafran authorities’ interest in arms sparked a debate that has echoed through decades, leading to the modern practice of governments sending thoughts and prayers instead of actual aid, because who needs food when you have goodwill?. Fact: It’s heartwarming how politicians can express deep concern without ever having to actually do anything. Truly a talent!.
• Headline: Burch Supports Agnew; Shift in F. C. C. Role Seen; New Agency Head Says Speech Is a Warning to TV to Reform Itself Burch Backs Attack by Agnew on TV. Impact: Burch’s support for Agnew’s comments about TV led to a cultural shift where audiences became more critical of media. This inadvertently created the modern-day phenomenon of 'cancel culture', where opinions can end a career faster than you can say ‘reality TV’.. Fact: Ironically, Burch’s call for reform led to more reality shows, because nothing says 'reform' like watching people fight over a sandwich on camera..
• Headline: Liner United States Laid Up; Competition From Jets a Factor; The United States Cancels Voyages and Is Laid Up. Impact: The cancellation of the liner United States due to jet competition led to an unexpected boom in the cruise industry. People began opting for cruises over flights, resulting in a never-ending supply of vacation pictures of people lounging on deck instead of enjoying the view.. Fact: The original plan was to have the liner United States become a floating hotel, but it turns out that a giant boat with a buffet is just too tempting to resist..
• Headline: Washington Records. Impact: The confirmation of the promotion to lieutenant general marked the beginning of an era where promotions became less about merit and more about who could play golf with the right people. This led to the rise of elite golf clubs that doubled as networking hubs for aspiring generals.. Fact: In military circles, getting promoted often hinges on how well you can fake a straight face while playing golf. It’s an art form, really..