NOVEMBER 8, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: October Jobless Rate Highlights Economic Slowdown. Impact: The slight dip in joblessness led to a nationwide epidemic of people believing they could finally afford avocado toast, resulting in a massive increase in brunch spots and a shortage of artisanal bread. Who knew a 1-cent raise could cause such chaos?. Fact: In 1970, earning an extra penny was almost as exciting as finding a quarter in the couch cushions. Now, it’s just a reminder of how far down the corporate ladder we’ve slipped..
• Headline: Supreme Court Considers Key Contempt Cases. Impact: The arguments in this case were so riveting that they inspired a new genre of courtroom dramas, which led to an endless stream of legal TV shows. Thank you, Zicarelli, Occhipinti, and Russo, for ruining our Saturday nights with your legal dramas.. Fact: Contempt of court is one of those things that sounds serious but often just means someone forgot to wear a tie or talked back to the judge..
• Headline: Long-Distance Rate Cuts Controversy. Impact: Consumers, feeling insulted, began a grassroots movement to invent their own telephone service, which led to the creation of the first 'unofficial' long-distance call network. Spoiler alert: it didn’t last very long.. Fact: Calling someone long-distance used to be a big deal—like sending a telegram or, heaven forbid, writing a letter. Now, we just send memes..
• Headline: Cemetery Bars War Protest. Impact: The refusal to allow a protest at the cemetery galvanized antiwar sentiments, leading to the establishment of informal 'protest picnics' at parks across the nation, where people could mourn and munch at the same time.. Fact: Cemeteries have historically been peaceful places, but who knew they could also be the epicenter of protest planning? Maybe they should start charging rent..
• Headline: 3 LATIN PRESIDENTS LAUD NIXON POLICY. Impact: The praises sung by these three Latin American leaders made Nixon feel like a rock star, leading him to believe he could start a musical career. Spoiler: his debut album, 'Nixon & Friends,' bombed spectacularly.. Fact: When three presidents compliment you, it’s best to question their taste, not your policies. Just saying..
• Headline: 40 SENATORS BACK CEASE-FIRE PLEA; Scott Reports White House Approves Resolution. Impact: The bipartisan support for the cease-fire resolution led to a nationwide trend of senators sending each other heartfelt letters, culminating in a bizarre yet touching 'Senators Write Love Letters' campaign.. Fact: Ever wonder how many senators it takes to change a lightbulb? None! They just pass a resolution asking for it to be done..
• Headline: Moscow Parades Missiles to Mark 52d Anniversary of the Revolution; MOSCOW PARADES NUCLEAR MISSILES. Impact: The display of missiles during the anniversary led to an arms race for the best 'revolution celebration' ideas. Soon, countries were parading inflatable tanks and cardboard cutouts of their leaders.. Fact: Nothing says 'celebration' quite like a parade of missiles. Because who wouldn’t want to commemorate a revolution with a potential apocalypse?.
• Headline: War Foes Reject Offer of Capital Route. Impact: The rejection of the proposed march route sparked a series of creative protest routes that involved a lot of detours. Ultimately, it led to the invention of 'protest GPS,' which is still not very reliable.. Fact: Protest routes are like bad relationships—sometimes you have to take the long way around to get to your destination, but at least you learn a thing or two along the way..