NOVEMBER 1, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Books of The Times; The Novel as Process. Impact: This review likely encouraged more people to embrace the idea of novels as 'process,' leading to an explosion of 'experimental' literature that nobody understands to this day. Fact: Isaac Bashevis Singer once said, 'The pen is mightier than the sword,' but apparently not as mighty as a good review.
• Headline: Agnew Bestows Medals. Impact: Agnew's presentation of medals turned into an annual political spectacle where politicians try to outdo each other in posthumous awards. Who knew death could be so competitive?. Fact: These medals are great and all, but let’s be real – what’s a medal compared to a good Instagram post?.
• Headline: BONN AIDE SATISFIED ON NUCLEAR TREATY. Impact: This moment of satisfaction over a nuclear treaty probably led to a series of awkward dinner conversations about the peaceful use of nuclear energy, paving the way for 'nuclear cooking shows.'. Fact: You know things are serious when the word 'satisfaction' is mentioned in the same sentence as 'nuclear treaty.'.
• Headline: Soviet Hopeful on Mideast, But Says U.S. Hinders Pact; It Asserts the Americans Back 'Obstructionist' Position of Israel. Impact: Zamyatin's assertion about U.S. obstructionism probably catalyzed conspiracy theories that are still circulating today, suggesting that the U.S. is a secret puppet master in global politics. Fact: This is the moment when the phrase 'stay out of it' became a diplomatic strategy – leading to countless awkward silences at international gatherings.
• Headline: Father Says Pilots Obey Because One Shot Can Ruin Pressurization. Impact: Findlay's comments on pressurization have opened the floodgates for countless safety protocols on flights, and now we’re all just trying not to think about what happens if things go wrong. Fact: If you think flying is nerve-wracking now, just remember that pilots used to just wing it – pun intended.
• Headline: Citizens' Panel Sees Peril In Abrupt Vietnam Pullout; Panel Sees Peril in an Abrupt Pullout. Impact: The citizens' panel's warning foreshadowed the complicated U.S. withdrawal from Vietnam that would echo through history, leading to countless lessons that politicians still refuse to learn. Fact: This group probably didn’t realize that their warning would be used in future history classes as an example of 'What Not to Do.'.