OCTOBER 7, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Child's Perspective on Vietnam War. Impact: The film influenced a generation to view war through the eyes of children, leading to the rise of child journalists and perhaps a future where kids are the ones making policy decisions. Scary thought, isn't it?. Fact: In the future, children will be the most sought-after war correspondents. Talk about child labor taking a twist!.
• Headline: U.S. AIDES DISCOUNT REPORTS OF GAINS IN PEACE EFFORTS; Scott's Hint of Breakthrough and Thieu's Offer Fail to Evoke Signs of Hope. Impact: The U.S. aides' dismissal of peace reports set a precedent for future administrations to ignore good news. This paved the way for a culture of skepticism that continues to this day. Thanks, pessimism!. Fact: If ignoring good news were an Olympic sport, the U.S. would have a gold medal by now!.
• Headline: N.B.C. and U.A. Circuit to Be Angels. Impact: NBC's investment in productions led to the birth of countless spin-offs and reboots, meaning that every beloved show will eventually return just to ensure no one ever runs out of content. Thanks, NBC!. Fact: A million dollars to work with producers? That's just a drop in the ocean compared to what they spend on remaking terrible movies!.
• Headline: Beame Urges a Building 'Czar' To End City Backlog on Funds. Impact: Beame's proposal for a 'Czar' inspired future generations to create all sorts of czars, including ones for pizza delivery and laundry, leaving us wondering why we didn't just stick with the original idea.. Fact: Next up: 'Czar of the Internet'—because why not make everything sound regal?.
• Headline: HAYNSWORTH PLAN ON STOCK OFFERED; He Would Place Assets in Trust to Curb Criticism. Impact: The Haynsworth plan set a precedent for future politicians to shield their assets, leading to a world where trust funds are more common than trust between parties. Thanks for the transparency!. Fact: Placing assets in a trust is the adult version of saying, 'I promise I won’t eat your cookies!'.
• Headline: SENATE UNIT TOLD GENERAL OBTAINED GUNS FOR OWN GAIN; Investigator for Panel Says Ex-Provost Marshal Sold Arms Police Gave Him. Impact: The arms scandal exposed the dark side of military procurement, paving the way for future investigations and a lingering distrust of any general who ever smiles. Now we're all experts in conspiracy theories!. Fact: If arms dealing were an Olympic event, this general would have taken home gold, silver, and bronze!.
• Headline: L.I. Neighbor Helps Foil a 10-Hour Plot To Hold Up Bank; NEIGHBOR HELPS FOIL BANK HOLDUP. Impact: The neighbor’s heroism in foiling the bank heist inspired countless crime dramas, leading to an era where the 'good neighbor' trope became a cliché in Hollywood. Thanks for the stereotype!. Fact: This incident proves that sometimes the real superheroes wear boring clothes and live next door!.