OCTOBER 2, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Investigation Launched into Suffolk Judge. Impact: The inquiry into Judge Cromarty's activities opened the floodgates for judicial investigations, ultimately leading to the 'Justice is Blindfolded' campaign where judges began wearing literal blindfolds in court to prove their impartiality. Spoiler: it didn’t work.. Fact: Cromarty's real estate dealings were so tangled that they inspired a popular board game called 'Land Grab: Legal Edition,' where players can lose their careers and homes in one fell swoop!.
• Headline: Poverty Agency Restructures Civil Rights Focus. Impact: Rumsfeld's decision to replace the rights unit sparked a massive reorganization trend in government agencies, leading to the infamous 'Housecleaning Day' where no desk was safe. Coincidentally, it also inspired a reality show that flopped faster than a politician's promise.. Fact: Rumsfeld’s idea of 'housecleaning' turned out to be more about sweeping issues under the rug than actually addressing civil rights. Who knew dusty corners were more pressing than human rights?.
• Headline: NIXON EASES RULE ON STUDENT DRAFT; Those Eligible in Graduate School May Finish Term. Impact: Nixon's easing of the draft rules for students led to a generation of procrastinators who would later turn out to be the founders of the modern 'work from home' movement. Who knew dodging the draft could lead to such a lazy legacy?. Fact: This decision made 'studying for finals' the most common excuse for avoiding the draft, right next to 'I have to wash my cat.'.
• Headline: BROOKE BIDS NIXON DROP HAYNSWORTH; Other G.O.P. Senators Also Reported to Be Unhappy Over Court Nomination Brooke Calls on Nixon to Drop His Nomination of Haynsworth. Impact: Brooke's call for Nixon to drop Haynsworth set off a political domino effect, causing future presidents to think twice before nominating anyone less than perfect—leading to the infamous 'notable nominees' list, which is basically just a list of people who are never nominated.. Fact: Haynsworth's nomination was so controversial that even the ghosts of previous Supreme Court justices were reportedly rolling their eyes from beyond the grave..
• Headline: Chemical Union Faces Ouster From A.F.L.-C.I.O.. Impact: The potential ousting of the Chemical Union from A.F.L.-C.I.O. led to a series of labor disputes that eventually inspired the famous slogan 'Chemical Workers Unite'—a rallying cry that confused more than it inspired.. Fact: The A.F.L.-C.I.O. recommends expulsion like a high school principal; it’s all about the drama with none of the fun. Spoiler alert: the unions didn’t go to prom together..
• Headline: 2 Apollo 11 Astronauts Arrive in Buenos Aires. Impact: The arrival of Apollo 11 astronauts in Buenos Aires triggered a cultural exchange that caused a sudden surge in space-themed fiestas and the inexplicable popularity of moon-shaped piñatas in Argentina.. Fact: The astronauts were so overwhelmed by the welcome they received that they almost mistook it for a parade in their honor—good thing they didn't think to bring moon rocks as party favors!.
• Headline: Freelance Accused After Taking Photos Of Young Kennedy. Impact: The photographer's antics led to a heightened level of scrutiny and security for public figures, resulting in an era where celebrities began to hire 'photo bodyguards.' This ultimately led to the rise of Instagram influencers—thanks, Galella.. Fact: Galella, known for his 'dedicated stalking' style of photography, was so committed that he often claimed he was just 'taking artistic liberties.' The Secret Service disagreed..