SEPTEMBER 27, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Jersey's Polarizing Governorship Election. Impact: If only New Jersey had chosen a candidate who liked to tax less and party more, the entire political landscape might have shifted, leading to an annual 'National No-Tax Day' where everyone just eats pizza and debates tax policy without consequence.. Fact: New Jersey's political drama has been compared to a soap opera, but let’s be real—it's more like a soap opera that forgot to pay its scriptwriter..
• Headline: Edwards Declines Re-Election Bid. Impact: Repr Edwards deciding not to run again triggered a cascade of politicians realizing they could also just not show up to work when things got tough, leading to a national 'work-from-home' mentality that persists to this day.. Fact: In the world of politics, not running for re-election is basically the equivalent of saying, 'I’m going to take a nap now.'.
• Headline: Green Beret Rejects Immunity Deal. Impact: Boyle’s refusal of immunity set off a series of events that led to the phrase 'foul play' becoming the go-to excuse for everything from bad cooking to losing at Monopoly.. Fact: In the military, loyalty to fellow officers can sometimes be more important than legal immunity, which is why they don’t have 'lawyer berets.'.
• Headline: PRESIDENT BACKS A 'MIDDLE COURSE' ON DESEGREGATION; Defends Mississippi Move -- Urges Fund Cutoff Only if 'Absolutely Necessary' President Backs Middle Course on Desegregation. Impact: Nixon’s middle-of-the-road approach to desegregation initiated a nationwide trend of politicians finding the most neutral stance possible, leading to an epidemic of indecisiveness in future elections.. Fact: The term 'middle course' is often used in politics now to describe any decision that offends absolutely no one—kind of like a vanilla ice cream cone..
• Headline: Books of The Times; Notes on Castrati. Impact: The ongoing discussions about the Castrati sparked a literary revolution that inspired authors to write about everything from bearded ladies to time-traveling historians, paving the way for modern-day bizarre reality shows.. Fact: Castrati were basically the original pop stars—singing high notes while being completely out of touch with reality..
• Headline: Procaccino Asks Special Session To Restore Some Welfare Cuts. Impact: Procaccino’s request for a special session set off a chain reaction of politicians realizing they could actually ask for things instead of just whining about them on social media.. Fact: Asking for a special session is the political equivalent of saying, 'Can I speak to the manager?'—it's rarely effective but always entertaining..
• Headline: Army Inspected Berets' Mail. Impact: The Army’s mail inspection led to the introduction of stricter privacy policies, ultimately culminating in today’s world where email gets filtered more than a hipster’s coffee.. Fact: Inspected mail for military personnel is like a surprise inspection, but instead of finding dust bunnies, they find secrets that could start a new season of 'CSI: Fort Bragg.'.