SEPTEMBER 22, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Stauffer Chemical Elects New Directors. Impact: H. B. Morley and R. P. Bond's election had ripple effects, leading to a series of corporate decisions that inadvertently caused a butterfly to flap its wings in Brazil, which later resulted in the creation of a new dance craze. Yes, the world owes the samba to Stauffer Chemical's boardroom shenanigans.. Fact: Did you know that corporate board meetings are basically just adult versions of kids playing 'musical chairs' but with more paperwork and less fun?.
• Headline: Phone Service Complaints Surge Nationwide. Impact: The complaints about phone service led to the eventual creation of texting. So, thank you, frustrated phone users of yesteryear, for gifting us with the era of 'LOL' and 'BRB' instead of actual conversation. You really saved us from more awkward silences.. Fact: Did you know that the modern equivalent of a phone complaint is just tweeting at a company? Progress!.
• Headline: Inflation in South Vietnam Is Raising Fears of a Crisis; INFLATION RAISES FEARS IN VIETNAM. Impact: Inflation fears in South Vietnam led to a cascade of economic theories that would confuse generations of economists, resulting in countless hours of debate in coffee shops worldwide. Thanks, inflation, for making life just a little more complicated for everyone.. Fact: Did you know that economists can argue for hours and still not reach a conclusion? It's like watching paint dry, but with more graphs..
• Headline: CONSUL'S RETURN PLEASES RHODESIA; Many Believe U.S. Will Not End Diplomatic Relations. Impact: The return of the US Consul to Rhodesia created a diplomatic push that would eventually inspire a series of 'How Not to Handle International Relations' workshops. Spoiler: they were not well attended.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic relations can be as fragile as a soap bubble? One wrong move, and *pop*! It's all over..
• Headline: Hemingway Papers Yield Surprises; Nearly 20,000 Pages of Hemingway MSS. Inventoried. Impact: The discovery of Hemingway's unpublished works led to a surge in hipster coffee shops where people pretended to read his novels while actually just scrolling on their phones. Thanks, Hemingway, for the irony!. Fact: Did you know that Hemingway once said, 'There is no friend as loyal as a book'? Clearly, he never met a smartphone..
• Headline: Bobbies Rout 200 Hippies; Bobbies Drive Out Hippie Squatters. Impact: The eviction of hippies led to a series of protests and counter-protests, which eventually culminated in the creation of the world's first 'Hippie Museum,' where nostalgia now reigns supreme among those who missed the 'good old days.'. Fact: Did you know that the '60s were actually a decade of peaceful protests and love? Apparently, someone forgot to send that memo to history..