JULY 21, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the Future of Classical Studies. Impact: If only the classics were valued more, we might have avoided centuries of people misusing Latin quotes to sound smart at parties. Thanks for the future of classics, now we can fool each other better!. Fact: Did you know that every time someone misquotes a classic, a historian sheds a single tear? It's a tragic cycle..
• Headline: A Journey Through MacLeish's Verse. Impact: This poem sparked a chain reaction leading to countless bad moon-themed songs. The real tragedy? We've been stuck with 'Fly Me to the Moon' ever since.. Fact: Fun fact: A. MacLeish is often seen as the reason why so many poets think they can write about space without a degree in astrophysics..
• Headline: Kennedy's Career in Jeopardy After Accident. Impact: Kennedy's accident led to a series of public relations disasters, eventually culminating in the invention of the spin doctor. Thanks to this, we now have an entire profession dedicated to making bad news sound like a good idea.. Fact: Did you know that Kennedy's fear of career damage was the first time politicians acknowledged they might actually have a career?.
• Headline: Reds Bid Hong Kong Bar Shooting of Film. Impact: The Reds' interference in film shooting led to more clandestine Hollywood operations, paving the way for espionage movies that somehow always end in a chase scene. Thanks, communists!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more antagonizing than a movie shoot in Hong Kong is a sequel that no one asked for?.
• Headline: Stratis Myrivilis, Headed Society of Greek Authors. Impact: Myrivilis's leadership somehow led to the rise of overly dramatic Greek soap operas. It turns out great literature isn't always a great idea for television.. Fact: Fun fact: If you can survive a Greek author's work, you can survive anything—except maybe a Greek dinner party..
• Headline: Maps of Moon Evolved Over 3 Centuries; Galileo Discovered Surface's Features With Telescope. Impact: Galileo's moon observations kicked off centuries of man gazing at the sky, eventually leading to overzealous conspiracy theories about moon landings being faked. Thanks, Galileo!. Fact: Did you know that Galileo’s telescope was the first device to cause existential crises about the universe? It's still going strong..
• Headline: MOON WIDE OPEN TO HUMAN STRIFE; Rivalry Expected to Develop Despite Space Treaty. Impact: Speculating about strife on the moon somehow led to more intergalactic rivalry than an online gaming community. Who knew space could be this dramatic?. Fact: Fun fact: The biggest conflict in space isn't about resources; it's about who gets to control the remote for the spaceship's TV..
• Headline: Mental Power as Force for Peace Tied to Man's Triumph in Space. Impact: Barker's optimism about mental power led to a surge in self-help books. Now, we have an entire section of bookstores dedicated to telling us how to think positively while we ignore the world.. Fact: Did you know that 'world peace' is often just a euphemism for 'let's all agree to disagree while sipping herbal tea'?.
• Headline: GREGORY M. DEXTER. Impact: Gregory M. Dexter's existence somehow led to a whole lot of people realizing that being a writer could lead to absolutely nothing. Thanks for the reminder, Gregory!. Fact: Did you know that the name 'Gregory' has been associated with slightly above-average writing skills since the dawn of time?.