JULY 18, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Patman Critiques Kennedy's Economic Policies. Impact: If only Patman had just let Kennedy keep his rate role! Maybe we would have avoided the 2008 financial crisis. Or at least, fewer people would have named their dogs 'Kennedy Rates'.. Fact: Did you know 'Patman' sounds like a superhero? Because apparently, he thought he could save the economy with a phone call..
• Headline: Mrs. Armstrong's Unwavering Certainty of Success. Impact: Mrs. Armstrong's unwavering belief in success likely inspired countless motivational posters. You can thank her for the quote, 'Believe in yourself!' plastered on every office wall.. Fact: Did you know that '100 Per Cent' Certain is also the name of a failed soda brand? It didn't taste good, but hey, at least they were confident!.
• Headline: Bombing of USIS Library in Calcutta. Impact: This bombing led to a new wave of security measures, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the TSA. Thanks a lot, Calcutta.. Fact: Did you know that U.S. bombings abroad often lead to a surge in souvenir shops? It's like a twisted vacation..
• Headline: Apollo Mento Honor 5 Dead Astronauts; Apollo's Men Will Honor Dead U.S. and Soviet Astronauts. Impact: Honoring astronauts on the moon was a noble act, but it also set a precedent for future generations to leave trash in space. Thanks, Apollo 11!. Fact: Did you know if you leave a medal on the moon, it could be considered the ultimate 'out of this world' trophy? Literally..
• Headline: End Paper. Impact: The End Paper could symbolize the end of traditional media as we know it. Or maybe it was just a dramatic way of saying, 'We're out of ink!'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'end paper' is often used in awkward conversations to signal you want to leave? Just like this headline..
• Headline: Ex-Convicts Found Possessing Traits Needed in Business. Impact: Who knew ex-convicts could teach us about business? This revelation could have led to a whole new genre of self-help books: 'From Cell to Sell'.. Fact: Did you know that the traits that lead to criminal behavior are often the same ones that land you on reality TV? Coincidence? I think not..
• Headline: REAL EXPANSION OF U. S. ECONOMY LAGS IN QUARTER; Commerce Agency Reports Gross Product Climbed Largely on Inflation ECONOMY'S GAINS LAG IN QUARTER Commerce Agency Reports Gross Product Climbed Largely on Inflation. Impact: Thanks to the Commerce Agency's report, economic inflation became a fashionable topic at dinner parties—who knew rising prices could make you feel so hip?. Fact: Did you know that 'inflation' is just a fancy way of saying you can't afford your avocado toast anymore? Welcome to adulthood!.
• Headline: Armstrong Museum Asked. Impact: The push for an Armstrong Museum might have inspired other towns to build museums for every mediocre achievement. Get ready for the 'Museum of Bad Ideas'!. Fact: Did you know that Wapakoneta, Ohio, is also known as the 'Hometown of the Moonwalker'? Because who doesn't want to be associated with moon dust?.
• Headline: 3 Floors of 'Cybernetic Serendipity'. Impact: The Cybernetic Serendipity show likely sparked an entire generation's obsession with combining art and tech. Thanks for the iPhone, 60s art scene!. Fact: Did you know that 'Cybernetic Serendipity' sounds like the title of a bad sci-fi movie? Spoiler alert: it ends with a viral cat video..
• Headline: Franco to Name Juan Carlos as Heir; Franco Will Designate Juan Carlos as Successor. Impact: Franco's decision to name Juan Carlos as heir probably set off a royal soap opera that still entertains us today. How many seasons do you think it's got?. Fact: Did you know that naming a successor is a lot like naming a pet? You can never be sure if they’ll live up to your expectations..