JULY 13, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lunar Science: Unlocking Earth's Origins. Impact: If the moon had truly answered the riddle of life, we might have seen a mass exodus of humans trying to live on lunar soil, leading to the first intergalactic reality show: 'Keeping Up with the Moons'.. Fact: Isaac Asimov wrote more than 500 books, yet somehow, the moon still remains the biggest mystery in the universe—talk about a PR problem!.
• Headline: The Portrayal of American Men in Media. Impact: This article likely inspired a generation of men to take a long, hard look in the mirror and question their own ineptitude, resulting in more self-help books than anyone could ever need.. Fact: Commercials have been portraying men as bumbling fools for decades; the irony is that most of those men are just trying to figure out how to open a jar of pickles..
• Headline: STATES PUSH HUNT FOR ADDED TAXES TO MEET DEMANDS; 21 of Them Fix New Levies or Increase Old Ones as Fiscal Problems Worsen. Impact: The push for added taxes sparked a wave of protest, leading to the creation of the world's first 'Taxpayer Revolt' reality show. Spoiler alert: it was just as boring as it sounds.. Fact: Tax day is the one day when everyone suddenly becomes a financial expert, despite not knowing the difference between a deduction and a credit..
• Headline: 100,000 Orangemen Parade As Ulster Celebrates Twelfth. Impact: The massive Orangemen parade inadvertently sparked the world’s first 'Marching Band Wars', leading to a musical arms race that would change the face of parades forever.. Fact: Parades are the only places where hundreds of people can simultaneously celebrate while avoiding eye contact with one another..
• Headline: Wilson Critical of Militants. Impact: Wilson's remarks about militants led to the birth of countless student protests, which later evolved into the modern-day phenomenon of 'Twitter outrage'.. Fact: In the realm of student activism, no one really knows what they want—except to be heard, preferably while holding a sign and wearing sandals..
• Headline: Editorial Cartoon 4 -- No Title. Impact: The cartoon sparked an underground movement of amateur cartoonists who realized they could draw anything and call it art, leading to the rise of the 'stick figure' revolution.. Fact: Editorial cartoons are the only art form where you can literally draw your feelings on paper without a therapist involved..
• Headline: Stakes in Italy's Crisis. Impact: The critique of the NY Times led to a decade of journalism that tried way too hard to provide context, resulting in articles so long that readers started using them as doorstops.. Fact: Every time someone criticizes the New York Times, a journalist somewhere quietly sobs into their typewriter..