JUNE 18, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nixon Honored by Press Club Membership. Impact: Nixon being honored turned him into a political superhero in the eyes of some, leading to a series of over-the-top presidential speeches. This eventually inspired a generation of politicians to don capes, a regrettable fashion choice that still haunts us today.. Fact: Nixon once said, 'I am not a crook,' which is odd because he was not a pitcher either..
• Headline: Forman Stands Firm Against Court Order. Impact: Forman’s refusal to leave became a rallying cry for office squatters everywhere, leading to a bizarre movement where people set up permanent camp in various public offices, thus inventing the ‘office nomad’ lifestyle.. Fact: Defying court orders is a great way to get on the news—right after 'defying gravity' in the musical 'Wicked.'.
• Headline: Moravian Festival Celebrates Ninth Year with Music. Impact: The Moravian Festival kicked off a musical revolution, spawning a hidden society of piano enthusiasts who believed they could channel the spirits of early American composers—too bad no one told them they were just playing the same notes over and over.. Fact: The piano was invented to help people express their emotions—like when you hit the wrong key and everyone's feelings just go out the window..
• Headline: HOUSE UNIT BACKS YEAR'S EXTENSION OF TAX SURCHARGE; As Nixon Requested, Levy Would Be 10% During '69, Then 5% Till June, '70. Impact: The tax surcharge extension somehow led to the creation of a new board game called 'Tax Time,' where players would roll dice to see how many deductions they could claim before getting audited.. Fact: The best part about tax proposals is that they always seem like a great idea until you realize they’re just a way for the government to keep track of how much you owe them..
• Headline: ROCKEFELLER VISITS BRAZIL'S CONGRESS; Seeks to Show U.S. Concern Over Curb on Legislators. Impact: Rockefeller's visit spurred a series of awkward diplomatic gifts between the U.S. and Brazil, eventually resulting in the Great Grape Exchange of '70, where both nations traded their finest grapes to symbolize friendship—because nothing says 'we care' like fruit.. Fact: Receiving a medal in Brazil is a bit like getting a participation trophy; it’s nice, but you still have to deal with Brazil’s coffee superiority complex..
• Headline: U.S. Is Said to Consider 2 New Pullouts of Troops; U.S. Is Considering New Troop Withdrawals in August and October. Impact: The troop withdrawal plans set off a chain reaction of protests and rallies across the U.S., eventually leading to the founding of the world's first organization dedicated solely to advising people on how to pack for war—now a booming industry.. Fact: Military planning documents are often more detailed than most wedding plans—because who doesn't want a contingency plan for an ambush at the cake cutting?.
• Headline: Hughes to 'Demand' New Laws To Fight Crime and Corruption; HUGHES TO PRESS ATTACK ON CRIME. Impact: Hughes' demands for new laws led to a legislative frenzy where politicians started calling for laws on everything—eventually resulting in a 'No Laughing in Congress' bill, which ironically became a running joke.. Fact: Demanding new laws is a bit like asking for a second helping of dessert; it sounds great until you realize you're just piling on the problems..
• Headline: Nixon Orders Study Of Policy on Germs And Gas in Warfare; NIXON ASKS STUDY ON GERM WARFARE. Impact: Nixon's study on germ warfare led to a bizarre trend of people trying to invent the next 'super germ' for defense—unfortunately, they forgot to consider the ethics, resulting in a lot of awkward conversations over dinner.. Fact: The only thing scarier than war germs is the thought of a world where people argue over whose germs are more effective..
• Headline: Arnold Constable Elects. Impact: S.R. Winters' election as director led to an unexpected rise in office morale, with employees suddenly expecting pizza on Fridays and mandatory fun days—because who doesn’t love forced enjoyment?. Fact: Elections in companies are just as dramatic as in politics, minus the campaign ads and with slightly fewer scandals involving questionable ties..