JUNE 4, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Congressional Hearing Lacks Passionate Debate. Impact: This lackluster confrontation sparked a series of uninspired political debates that eventually led to the invention of the modern-day filibuster—where Congressmen could drone on about nothing for hours, making them the true masters of procrastination.. Fact: Congressional jabbing is considered a sport in some circles. Too bad they forgot to bring the enthusiasm!.
• Headline: T C Sorensen's Plea for Free Speech. Impact: Sorensen's warning led to a secret society of book lovers who began hoarding every book they could find, inadvertently creating a black market for literary works, which eventually resulted in the world’s first underground library.. Fact: In a shocking twist, many of the books that were hoarded turned out to be 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.'.
• Headline: Mystery Surrounds Sunken Yacht Search. Impact: The search for the sunken yacht led to a series of misguided treasure hunts that cost millions in resources, only for the treasure to be discovered as nothing more than a collection of rusty spoons.. Fact: If you think searching for sunken yachts is fun, just wait until you try finding a needle in a haystack. Spoiler: it's still not great..
• Headline: Rocket Cache Found Near Saigon. Impact: The discovery of the rocket cache inadvertently inspired a new line of military-themed video games, turning war into a pixelated pastime and neglecting the real-life consequences of conflict.. Fact: 31 enemy combatants were killed, but the real tragedy is that no one got a trophy for it..
• Headline: Evans Disaster Is 7th For Navy Since 1966. Impact: The repeated disasters prompted the Navy to consider renaming their ships from 'Evans' to 'Oops!' to reflect their unfortunate propensity for accidents at sea.. Fact: The Navy’s motto, 'Not all who wander are lost,' has never felt more applicable than in the case of the USS Evans..
• Headline: C.C.N.Y. Names Dean of Students, 39. Impact: Dr. Sohmer's appointment was so underwhelming that it sparked a nationwide debate on whether deans should be required to wear capes or simply be more engaging.. Fact: Being a Dean is just like being a regular student—except with more paperwork and far fewer parties..
• Headline: Filipino Troops Kill 6 Huks; AP Photographer Wounded. Impact: This clash not only intensified the conflict in the region but also inadvertently made photojournalists the most dangerous profession of the decade, leading to a spike in demand for personal protective gear.. Fact: The AP photographer's injury led to the invention of the 'safety lens'—because who wouldn’t want a camera that protects you from bullets?.
• Headline: THREE IN A FAMILY ON LIST OF MISSING; Nebraska Brothers Served Together on the Evans. Impact: The loss of the three brothers spurred a movement to ensure families could serve separately, which ironically led to more families signing up together in hopes of avoiding the same fate.. Fact: The bond of brotherhood is strong—just not strong enough to keep them safe on the Evans..
• Headline: LAIRD SEES THREAT TO NATO BY CANADA. Impact: Laird's warning about Canada led to an increase in Canadian tourism, as Americans flocked north to see the 'dangerous' country for themselves—only to find it filled with polite people and poutine.. Fact: If you think Canada is a threat, you might need to rethink your definitions of danger—especially with their national pastime being ice hockey..