MAY 28, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yorty's Tight Race Against African American Opponent. Impact: Yorty winning this election could have led to a butterfly effect where Los Angeles became the first city to successfully implement a 'Mayor's Choice' ice cream flavor. Instead, we got more of the same old political drama.. Fact: Heavy turnout? It's almost like people were excited about democracy or something. How quaint!.
• Headline: Italian Life Is Badly Crippled By Strikes in Public Services. Impact: Imagine if the strikes hadn't happened; Italy might have become the go-to destination for postal service enthusiasts instead of pasta lovers. Talk about a twist in history!. Fact: Mail piling up? At least the Italian post office got a workout. Who knew they were secretly training for the Olympics?.
• Headline: NIXON PROPOSES U.S. CORPORATION FOR MAIL SERVICE; Would Convert Post Office to a Semi-Independent, Self-Sustaining Agency BARS SEAT IN CABINET Strong Opposition Expected in Congress, and Passage This Year Is Doubted Nixon Urges U.S. Corporation for Mail Service. Impact: Had Nixon's proposal gone through, we might have been receiving our mail from a corporation that also doubles as a fast-food chain. 'Would you like fries with that letter?'. Fact: A semi-independent mail service? Because nothing says 'efficient' like government bureaucracy with a side of corporate greed!.
• Headline: Benvenuti, Tiger, De Paula Subpoenaed in Boxing Inquiry; CALLS ALSO ISSUED TO TWO MANAGERS District Attorney Believed Ready to Open Grand Jury Investigation of Sport. Impact: If Benvenuti and Tiger had stayed out of trouble, we might have avoided a massive boxing scandal, leading to a world where boxing is respected as a noble sport. But then, where's the fun in that?. Fact: Subpoenas in boxing? It's almost like they thought they were in a movie, except the only thing being punched was their credibility!.
• Headline: FARM AID CEILING REVOTED IN HOUSE; Nixon Rebuffed, 224 to 142 -- Limit of $20,000 Set for Each Operation FARM AID CEILING REVOTED IN HOUBE. Impact: With the farm aid ceiling, we could have seen a flourishing agricultural utopia. Instead, farmers just learned the hard way that government funding comes with strings attached. Literally.. Fact: A limit of $20,000? Wow, that's like giving a farmer just enough to buy a couple of cows and a decent tractor. But hey, at least they won't be broke!.
• Headline: Negro Judge Assails 35 Whites For Sit-In Urging Black Studies; Negro Judge Assails College Militants. Impact: Had the judge been lenient, we might have seen a peaceful movement toward equality. Instead, he decided jail time was the answer, paving the way for a long history of protests and social movements.. Fact: A judge sentencing students for activism? I guess he missed the memo that fighting for rights is not a crime... or maybe he just wanted to make a point..