MAY 18, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Churches Urged to Divest from Apartheid. Impact: The call to end bank involvement with South Africa sparked a series of events that led to more ethical banking practices... or at least a few more moral dilemmas to ponder over Sunday brunch. Fact: Churches have always been good at calling out the wrongs of the world, right before passing the collection plate.
• Headline: Cushman Advances as National Title Handball Opens. Impact: Cushman's triumph in handball created a surge in handball enthusiasm, leading to a brief period where everyone thought they could be an athlete, until reality set in and they returned to their couches. Fact: Handball: the sport that proves you can hit a ball hard enough to be impressive, but still get no one to watch.
• Headline: Missouri Garden Takes The Lead. Impact: The Missouri Botanical Garden's rise to fame inspired a generation of plant parents to overwater their houseplants, leading to an explosion of soggy plant memes on social media. Fact: Botanical gardens are the only places where you can appreciate nature without the annoying sound of nature itself.
• Headline: Iowa Plant To Produce Soy Protein. Impact: The opening of the soy protein plant led to a nationwide obsession with plant-based diets, which in turn made tofu the unexpected star of social media influencers everywhere. Fact: Soy protein: because sometimes the best way to say 'I care about the environment' is to eat something that used to be alive but now looks like a science experiment.
• Headline: Editorial Article 3 -- No Title. Impact: This editorial sparked endless debates on student unrest, leading to a generation of students who realized that protesting was just a sophisticated way of getting out of class. Fact: The best way to create student unrest? Introduce them to the concept of exams.
• Headline: Badillo and Scheuer Challenge Each Other's Place on Ballot. Impact: The political tussle over ballot placement led to a series of electoral reforms that no one actually wanted but everyone pretended to care about, ensuring that the cycle of political drama continued unabated. Fact: Ballot placement: where the real competition is about who can make the most boring campaign promises.
• Headline: A Heavy Dose of Politics for New York's Schools. Impact: The chaos in New York schools led to an era of educational reform that was so convoluted, even the textbooks started to get confused about the curriculum. Fact: Schools are the only places where you can be educated about politics while simultaneously being unprepared for the political world outside.
• Headline: Belfast Policemen Attacked In Renewed Street Fighting. Impact: The renewed violence in Belfast served as a grim reminder of the complexities of conflict, leading to a prolonged search for peace that would echo through generations, influencing everything from politics to art. Fact: Belfast: where the streets are as storied as the people, and every corner has a tale that could make even the toughest heart weep.