APRIL 21, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Badillo Rejects Wagner's Bid in Queens. Impact: Had Badillo accepted the Wagner bid, we might have seen a New York City run by a mysterious cabal of Wagnerian minstrels. Imagine the musical numbers at city council meetings!. Fact: Borough Presidents have been around longer than some countries have existed. Talk about a long-standing tradition of being booed!.
• Headline: Bipartisan Defense Cuts Proposed Amidst ABM Debate. Impact: The $5 billion defense cut could have led to a butterfly effect where the U.S. military invests heavily in arts and crafts, creating a generation of soldier-artists. Who wouldn't want to see tanks painted in pastel colors?. Fact: Bipartisan efforts in the Senate are like unicorns—everyone talks about them, but no one has ever really seen one..
• Headline: A PARTY TO OPPOSE THIEU ESTABLISHED. Impact: The formation of a party to oppose Thieu might have inadvertently set off a chain of events that led to more parties forming, creating a political party explosion—a bit like the 4th of July, but with less fireworks and more paperwork.. Fact: In a world where everyone loves a good rally, the Vietnamese were just trying to catch up. They even had the cool slogans down before it was trendy!.
• Headline: Episcopal Calling of Clergymen Criticized by Priest as Archaic. Impact: The overhaul of clergymen calling might have eventually led to a world where priests were as popular as rock stars, complete with fan clubs and merchandise. Holy T-shirts, anyone?. Fact: Clergy placement procedures are so ancient that archaeologists have considered digging them up to study their fossils..