APRIL 13, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Scriabin's Musical Visions. Impact: Had Scriabin not been put on the map, we might have still been stuck listening to elevator music in the 21st century. Imagine that world—no Spotify, just awkward silences and the sound of bad decisions.. Fact: Scriabin's music was so avant-garde that it made acid trips seem like a walk in the park. Who knew a composer could one-up a psychedelic experience?.
• Headline: Oscar Wilde's Artistic Critique Unveiled. Impact: Wilde's critical writings resurfacing might have inspired the social media influencers of today to pen their own 'deep thoughts'—which, let’s be honest, are just rebranded Wilde quotes.. Fact: Oscar Wilde once said, 'Be yourself; everyone else is taken.' Little did he know, that would become a mantra for Instagram narcissists everywhere..
• Headline: Port Authority Raises Park-Ride Fee to $1.25. Impact: Raising the park-ride fee might have triggered a series of unfortunate events, leading to an increase in carpooling and thus, the birth of Uber—but don’t quote me on that.. Fact: In today's economy, $1.25 might buy you a sip of overpriced coffee or a single parking minute. Ah, inflation!.
• Headline: Wyzanski's Decision. Impact: Wyzanski's decision probably set off a chain reaction of judicial precedent that led to more legal debates, ultimately resulting in lawyers being the only profession to thrive in any economy.. Fact: Judges and lawyers must have the best inside jokes; after all, they have a court full of ‘pun’ intended moments!.
• Headline: Ancient Novgorod Frescoes Are Restored by Russians. Impact: Restoring Novgorod's frescoes might have rekindled a love for art preservation, leading to a future where hipsters pay thousands for rustic decor that looks like it came from a medieval battlefield.. Fact: You can’t just slap on a fresh coat of paint and call it art restoration; otherwise, every old building would become a trendy café!.
• Headline: Capital Spending. Impact: Eisner’s call for suspension in capital spending likely led to future economic models where everyone debates the merits of saving versus spending—welcome to the eternal struggle.. Fact: Suspending capital spending is just fancy talk for 'let’s procrastinate until the bills start piling up.'.
• Headline: CRAB TALKS COME TO END IN MOSCOW; Japanese Accept Reduction in Quota After Long Snag. Impact: The crab talks ended in Moscow, leading to a series of international seafood negotiations that perhaps inspired future sushi chefs to become gourmet diplomats.. Fact: Funny how crab fishing disputes led to more drama than reality TV; I guess the real drama was who got the last crab roll!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT CUTS BUDGET; SURPLUS NEARS $6-BILLION; Reduction of $4-Billion From Johnson Figure to Bring Biggest Excess Since '51. Impact: Nixon's budget cuts foreshadowed a future where government budgets would become the new 'it' topic at dinner parties—because who doesn’t want to talk about fiscal policy?. Fact: The only thing more confusing than a government budget is trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand that $6 billion isn’t just Monopoly money..