MARCH 31, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unrest in British Schools Sparks Controversy. Impact: The backlash against British school unrest ultimately led to a new wave of educational reforms, which somehow resulted in more standardized tests. So, thanks for that, rebellious students!. Fact: Did you know that if students had just been quiet and accepted mediocrity, we might never have had to endure the SATs?.
• Headline: China Reports Cure for Deaf-Mute Boy. Impact: The miraculous cure of a deaf-mute boy via acupuncture sparked a global trend in alternative medicine. Little did they know, this would lead to the creation of overpriced wellness retreats where people drink kale smoothies and chant.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'long live Chmn Mao' may not be the first words most parents want to hear from their kids, but hey, at least he was enthusiastic!.
• Headline: La Sylphide: A Ballet Classic Revived. Impact: The National Ballet's presentation of 'La Sylphide' was so captivating that it inspired a surge of interpretive dance classes across the nation. Now we have people dancing in the streets like they’re auditioning for the next reality show.. Fact: Did you know that ballet was once considered a sport for the elite? Now, it’s just another way to avoid hitting the gym!.
• Headline: NIXON WILL MEET DE GAULLE TODAY; President to Receive Other World Leaders, in Capital for Eisenhower Rites. Impact: Nixon’s meeting with De Gaulle and other world leaders set a precedent for awkward diplomatic encounters, planting the seeds for future leaders to awkwardly hug it out in front of cameras.. Fact: Fun fact: Nixon’s choice of meeting with De Gaulle led to the infamous 'French fries' debate at the White House. Who knew politics could be so deliciously petty?.
• Headline: I.T.T. Gets Greek Contract. Impact: I.T.T. getting the Greek contract for a satellite ground station helped pave the way for binge-watching international soap operas. Because who doesn’t need melodrama from another continent?. Fact: Did you know that without international TV, we might have been forced to actually socialize with our neighbors? Shudder!.
• Headline: Brooklyn Rabbi's Son Accused in Synagogue Fires. Impact: The synagogue fires allegedly set by a rabbi's son ignited a series of community discussions about youth and responsibility, ultimately leading to the invention of reality TV. Who knew tragedy could have such a dramatic twist?. Fact: Did you know that nothing says 'family bonding' like a good old-fashioned police chase? Just kidding—please don’t call the cops on your kids..
• Headline: EULOGY BY NIXON CALLS EISENHOWER GIANT OF HIS TIME; President Praises General In Talk at Capitol as He Leads U.S. in Tribute. Impact: Nixon’s eulogy for Eisenhower solidified his own legacy as a man who could make even death sound like a campaign speech. This set the standard for future leaders to master the art of the overly dramatic farewell.. Fact: Fun fact: Eulogies have been known to inspire more tears than a sad movie, with the added bonus of awkward family reunions..
• Headline: Cooke Hailed at Cathedral As a Cardinal-Designate; Cooke Hailed at Cathedral as a Cardinal-Designate. Impact: Cooke’s elevation to Cardinal-Designate sparked a spiritual renaissance, leading to countless memes about how one should dress for church—because it’s important to look fabulous while praying.. Fact: Did you know that being a Cardinal means you have the power to wear a fancy hat? Forget about divine intervention, that's the real perk!.
• Headline: Communists Gaining Among French Students. Impact: The rise of Communists among French students eventually led to the creation of campus protests that would inspire future generations to become experts in shouting slogans and wearing berets.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more passionate than French students during a protest is the number of croissants consumed during their planning sessions..