MARCH 26, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Inmate's Legal Battle Over Guard Assault. Impact: C Doze's lawsuit inspired a wave of inmates to become amateur lawyers, inadvertently leading to the creation of a new reality TV series called 'Prison Justice Warriors' where inmates argue their cases with dramatic flair.. Fact: Did you know that prisons have their own version of Survivor? Only instead of immunity idols, the prize is just a better chance at parole..
• Headline: Woolworth's Apparel Acquisition Explained. Impact: The merger of Woolworth and Richman set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of the discount store, which ultimately made it possible for you to buy everything from socks to salad dressing in one poorly lit place.. Fact: Did you know that Woolworth's once had a lunch counter where you could get a meal for a nickel? Now, you can barely get a packet of ketchup for that price..
• Headline: High Court Expands Police Questioning Limits. Impact: This decision led to a national trend of police interrogation tactics resembling a game of charades rather than a legitimate inquiry, resulting in countless memes and parodies about how not to ask questions.. Fact: Did you know the Miranda rights were initially designed to protect you from being interrogated while simultaneously being offered a snack? The snack policy didn't make it past the first legal review..
• Headline: PRESIDENT TO ASK YEAR'S EXTENSION OF 10% SURCHARGE; Will Send Congress Today a Message Outlining His Anti-Inflation Strategy. Impact: Nixon's request for a surcharge extension inadvertently sparked the world's first anti-inflation bake sale, where cupcakes were sold for $10 each, resulting in a national sugar rush and an uptick in dentist appointments.. Fact: Did you know that Nixon once tried to convince Congress that a 10% surcharge was just his way of supporting the local cupcake economy? Clearly, he had a sweet tooth..
• Headline: JAPAN EASES CURB ON TOURIST FUNDS; Her Citizens May Take Out $700 Instead of $500. Impact: This minor easing of tourist fund restrictions led to a massive influx of Japanese tourists who, upon their return, started the 'Take Your Money and Run' trend that eventually inspired countless travel blogs.. Fact: Did you know that before this change, Japanese tourists were essentially smuggling their pocket money out hidden in their socks? Now that’s what I call a ‘footloose’ financial strategy..
• Headline: Wallace Man Is Defeated in Tennessee Congressional Election. Impact: The defeat of the Wallace man in Tennessee sparked a heated debate on whether losing elections should come with a consolation prize, leading to the establishment of the 'Participation Trophy for Politicians' initiative.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, losing often means you get to write a book? 'How I Lost the Election' is a genre that really took off..
• Headline: S.E.C. Unit Here Is Without a Chief; S.E.C. UNIT HERE WITHOUT A CHIEF. Impact: With the SEC unit without a chief, the office became a haven for office pranks, leading to the legendary 'Great Paperclip Heist' that is still discussed in hushed tones at finance conventions.. Fact: Did you know that the SEC was once considered the most exciting place to work in finance, mainly because of the free coffee and unlimited access to staplers?.
• Headline: Max Eastman Dies; Author and Radical; Max Eastman, Author, Radical And Expert on Bolshevism, Dies. Impact: Max Eastman's death triggered a renaissance of radical literature, inadvertently causing hipster bookstores to pop up everywhere, where students pretend to read his works while actually just scrolling through their phones.. Fact: Did you know Max Eastman once tried to start a revolution with nothing but a typewriter and a dream? Spoiler: the typewriter won..