MARCH 22, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eisenhower's Health Crisis Deepens. Impact: The moment Eisenhower took a break, a secret society of squirrels formed, believing they could run the country better. They published a manifesto called 'Nutty Policies' which led to a nationwide acorn shortage in the 60s.. Fact: Did you know that during his presidency, Eisenhower had a heart condition so severe that it could have rivaled the plot of a daytime soap opera?.
• Headline: Miss Rubin's Double Victory at Waterford. Impact: Miss Rubin's double victory inadvertently inspired a series of competitive animal races, leading to the first-ever 'Turtle Olympics' in 1975. Spoiler: the turtles were not impressed.. Fact: Did you know that horse racing is the only sport where the horse gets all the glory, while the jockey is just a glorified hat model?.
• Headline: Exploring Family Narratives in Literature. Impact: This autobiography sparked a trend where families across America started writing memoirs, causing the first-ever family feud over who gets to tell the 'real' story — resulting in Thanksgiving dinners that required mediation.. Fact: Did you know that many family autobiographies are just thinly veiled attempts to settle old scores? It's basically a therapy session with a hardcover..
• Headline: TV License Renewal Blocked By F.C.C. During Trust Study. Impact: This FCC action resulted in a nationwide panic about media ownership, leading to a conspiracy theory that aliens were controlling television programming — 'The X-Files' was born out of this fear.. Fact: Did you know that the FCC's job is not to keep us entertained, but rather to ensure we are informed about all the ways we can be bored?.
• Headline: Psychiatrist Says Sirhan May Have Lied in Saying He Did Not Recall Killing Kennedy. Impact: The psychiatrist's testimony led to a series of debates on memory and truth, culminating in the bizarre trend of memory-enhancing workshops — which ironically included a lot of forgetting.. Fact: Did you know that Sirhan Sirhan's case is so famous that even his amnesia has its own fan club?.
• Headline: Barbados's Leader Assails Critics of Anguilla Invasion. Impact: This criticism sparked a Caribbean-wide game of political hot potato, where leaders began blaming each other for everything from natural disasters to bad reggae music.. Fact: Did you know that political disputes in the Caribbean often end in a conga line instead of a resolution? It's all about keeping the rhythm of diplomacy!.
• Headline: Mills Will Examine Tax Returns of 155 Who Paid Nothing; MILLS TO STUDY RETURNS OF 155. Impact: Mills' pursuit of tax evaders led to a new profession — Tax Avoidance Consultants — who later became the most sought-after advisors in the business world, proving that with enough loopholes, you can make anything legal.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complex than tax returns is the reasoning behind why rich people think they don’t need to pay taxes?.