FEBRUARY 4, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mass Protests Outside Iraqi Mission Office. Impact: The protests at the Iraqi mission sparked a series of diplomatic tensions that led to an unexpected rise in coffee consumption worldwide. Who knew that people yelling about politics could lead to a global caffeine craze?. Fact: Did you know that the original purpose of barricades was to keep people out, but they often just serve as a great way to start a crowd-surfing wave?.
• Headline: Allen Appointed as Education Commissioner. Impact: Dr. Allen's appointment led to a chain reaction in education policy that, decades later, resulted in the invention of standardized tests so difficult that even the calculators were confused.. Fact: Did you know that desegregation methods are about as popular as a dentist appointment? Yet here we are, trying to make it happen since the dawn of time..
• Headline: Soviet Urges U.S. Shift. Impact: The Soviet's hopes for a U.S. policy shift inadvertently fueled a conspiracy that led to the rise of online forums dedicated to deciphering every sneeze from a politician. Thanks, Izvestia!. Fact: Did you know that 'shift' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's not do anything too drastic'? It's like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic..
• Headline: Vagrant With $187,118 Arrested in Florida; Distillery Company Heir, 74, Is Held for Examination by St. Petersburg Judge. Impact: Wright's arrest for vagrancy, despite having a small fortune, ignited a nationwide debate about wealth and homelessness that eventually inspired sitcoms where rich people pretend to be poor, all while wearing designer clothes.. Fact: Did you know that having a lot of money doesn’t automatically make you good at life? Just ask any reality TV star..
• Headline: Modern Language Group Drops Chicago for Parley. Impact: The Modern Language Group's decision led to a ripple effect of conference locations being chosen based on prior police actions, ultimately inspiring a trend in picking vacation spots based on their historical crime rates. Travel advice: Avoid Chicago.. Fact: Did you know that picking a conference location based on police actions is basically like choosing a restaurant based on how many times it has failed health inspections?.
• Headline: PRAGUE TV OUSTERS BELIEVED CANCELED. Impact: The cancellation of the Prague TV ouster sparked a series of events that would ultimately lead to a rise in conspiracy theories about government censorship, because nothing says 'we're in control' like putting someone back on TV.. Fact: Did you know that getting kicked off TV and then back on is basically the 1970s version of being canceled on Twitter? Talk about a comeback!.