DECEMBER 31, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brink's $25,000 Reward Announcement. Impact: The $25,000 reward sparked a nationwide competition among amateur detectives, which eventually led to the rise of internet sleuths and true crime podcasts, making every suburban mom feel like a crime-fighting hero in her living room. Fact: If only the reward was offered in gift cards, maybe they would have found a suspect faster.
• Headline: Regulation of Medicaid Fees Proposed. Impact: This push for Medicaid regulation inadvertently led to a greater public awareness of healthcare disparities, ultimately resulting in the creation of more memes about doctors refusing to treat patients than we ever wanted. Fact: Turns out, saying 'We need to pay doctors more!' is a lot easier than actually doing it. Who knew?.
• Headline: NYC Investigates Tax-Exempt Properties. Impact: This investigation into tax-exempt properties led to a series of complicated loopholes being exploited, paving the way for a future where billionaires pay less in taxes than your average barista. Fact: In the world of taxation, it’s not about what you earn, but how many lawyers you can afford.
• Headline: Two Big Board Seats Sold;. Impact: The sale of these big board seats set a precedent for corporate culture where the price tag on a seat became a symbol of wealth, leading to the rise of 'corporate seat auctions' that no one asked for. Fact: Who knew that buying a seat could cost as much as a small house? Welcome to the corporate circus.
• Headline: BUSINESS LEADER IS NAMED BY LAIRD AS PENTAGON NO. 2; Packard, Coast Electronics Maker, Will Give Up an Income of $850,000. Impact: This appointment led to a tangled web of military-industrial complex entanglements, resulting in more stock options for executives than actual defense strategies for the country. Who needs a plan when you've got shares?. Fact: Isn't it quaint how avoiding conflict of interest often just involves creating a new conflict of interest?.
• Headline: ISRAELIS COMBAT AN EXPECTED VOTE OF CENSURE IN U.N.; Defend Attack on Airport in Beirut Against Apparently Unanimous Condemnation. Impact: The U.N. debate over the Israeli actions became a catalyst for international discussions about sovereignty and military ethics, ultimately resulting in more heated Twitter arguments than actual resolutions. Fact: At this point, the U.N. should just hire a social media manager instead of diplomats.
• Headline: Trygve Lie, Secretary General Of U.N. From '46 to '53, Dies; Trygve Lie, First Secretary General of the U.N., Dies at 72. Impact: Trygve Lie's death marked a notable shift in U.N. leadership, leading to a series of increasingly charismatic Secretaries-General, culminating in a reality TV-style competition for the position. Who doesn't love a good televised debate?. Fact: The first Secretary-General of the U.N. was a Norwegian. If only they had a reality show about that!.
• Headline: Scholars: Study of 'Risks and Benefits' of the Use of Herbicides in War Is Sought; SCIENTISTS DELETE VIETNAM MENTION. Impact: This call for studying herbicide use in warfare led to endless debates about ethics in military practices, resulting in a generation of soldiers who could write dissertations on the environmental impact of their own tactics. Fact: Because nothing says 'we care' like studying the risks after the fact. Someone should teach them about proactive measures!.
• Headline: SCHOOLS CLARIFY GIRL SLACKS RULE; Attire Not Barred, Donovan Tells His Principals. Impact: This clarification about girl slacks rules ignited a fashion revolution in schools, eventually leading to the era of yoga pants and a million online arguments over dress codes. Fact: Who would have thought that girls wearing slacks would change the world? Next up: the battle for the right to wear pajamas to class.