DECEMBER 25, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: First Commercial Moon Flight Applications Open. Impact: This seemingly innocent flight to the moon led to a future where everyone thinks they can just hop on a rocket for brunch. Thanks to these early pioneers, now we have overpriced lunar resorts and an ongoing debate about whether the moon should have an air traffic control. Fact: Did you know that back then, people thought getting to the moon was as easy as signing up for a gym membership? Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
• Headline: The Life of Max Mandel. Impact: Max Mandel’s life was so unremarkable that his name became synonymous with the phrase 'Who?', leading to a cultural phenomenon where no one ever remembers names anymore. Thanks, Max!. Fact: Did you know that Max Mandel once attended a party where he was the only one not mentioned in the group photo? Yeah, that’s the kind of legacy he left.
• Headline: HUGHES DEFENDS JERSEY ON CRIME; Says He Has Kept Pressure on Mafia Despite G.O.P.. Impact: Hughes' defense against the Mafia turned New Jersey into a reality TV show long before it was trendy, ultimately inspiring future generations to document their lives as they navigate organized crime and questionable hair gel. Fact: This is probably when the phrase 'New Jersey: where the mob meets the boardwalk' first gained traction. You're welcome, tourism!.
• Headline: Jewish Teen-Agers Urge Soviet to Give Equal Rights. Impact: This courageous act of teenagers created a ripple effect that led to a wave of youth activism, paving the way for future generations to believe that yelling at a government could actually lead to change. Who knew angst could be so powerful?. Fact: Teenagers have been demanding equal rights since the dawn of time; it’s just that back then, they had to do it in cold war climates instead of on social media.
• Headline: Fiat Officers Bix Taxpayers. Impact: The Fiat officers' antics led to a nationwide crisis where taxpayers suddenly became the main characters in an absurdist comedy about taxes—because who doesn't want to laugh while paying up?. Fact: Fun fact! Fiat means 'let it be done' in Latin—perfectly summing up how taxpayers felt about their money disappearing into the abyss of bureaucracy.
• Headline: John W. Aiken Dead at 72; Ran Twice for President. Impact: Aiken's two failed presidential runs served as a cautionary tale for future candidates about the importance of realizing when it's time to retire gracefully—like an old cat who just wants to nap. Fact: Running for president twice is like going to the gym twice: it usually doesn’t end well and everyone just pretends it didn’t happen.
• Headline: JOHN M'CRADY. Impact: John McCrady's brief mention in history has led to a phenomenon where people randomly throw out his name at parties to seem knowledgeable about obscure figures—proving that obscurity can be its own form of fame. Fact: John McCrady: the man so forgettable that even historians need a reminder to look him up. You know you’re in trouble when your name is just a footnote.
• Headline: JAMES KENNAWAY, NOVELIST, 40, DEAD; Scot Wrote 'Tunes of Glory' and Screen Adaptations. Impact: Kennaway's untimely death left a void in literature that led to an influx of mediocre adaptations, proving once again that Hollywood will always find a way to butcher a good story. Fact: They say great authors live on through their works. Let's hope Kennaway's 'Tunes of Glory' doesn’t end up as a reality TV series!.