DECEMBER 9, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dacca Crowds Stand Against Police Ban. Impact: The defiance of the Dacca crowds sparked a series of protests across the globe, leading to a rise in spontaneous dance parties in public squares. Eventually, this resulted in the invention of flash mobs—because nothing says 'rebellion' like choreographed dancing.. Fact: Fun fact: If you put enough people together in a place they’re not supposed to be, you’ll likely end up with a really awkward group photo..
• Headline: Laird to Lead Defense Under Nixon. Impact: Laird's surprising appointment led to a series of defense strategies that ultimately resulted in the creation of the world's most unnecessary military gadget: a tank that can also be a coffee maker. Because, priorities.. Fact: Did you know that Nixon's choice of Laird was so surprising that even Laird himself reportedly said, 'Wait, what?'.
• Headline: U.S. Naval Passage Through Dardanelles. Impact: The passage of U.S. destroyers through the Dardanelles disrupted the delicate balance of maritime traffic, causing an unexpected increase in local seafood sales as fishermen capitalized on the sudden influx of American naval personnel craving fresh catches.. Fact: Did you know that the Dardanelles is so narrow that you could technically throw a really good stone and hit both Europe and Asia at the same time?.
• Headline: Iran's Prosperity Thrives Like Bubbling Oasis; Scranton Finds Rapid Growth in Economy Iran Prospers Like a Bubbling Oasis. Impact: Scranton's praises of Iran's economy led to an unexpected boom in tourism, which in turn caused a spike in Persian rug sales. Ironically, none of those tourists actually knew how to properly pronounce 'Persian'.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'bubbling oasis' was originally meant to describe my enthusiasm for overpriced coffee..
• Headline: THE CUBAN AIRLIFT ENTERS 4TH YEAR; 131,000 Refguees Flown to Miami Since Late 1965. Impact: The Cuban airlift's fourth anniversary became a rallying point for future refugee programs, leading to the establishment of 'Hitch a Ride to Freedom'—where people could literally hitch rides out of oppressive regimes. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well.. Fact: Did you know that 131,000 refugees is roughly the population of a small town? Imagine all those people trying to agree on where to eat dinner..
• Headline: WEST-BANK TRAFFIC TO ISRAEL REDUCED. Impact: The reduction of West Bank traffic was so effective that it led to the creation of the first 'No-Fly Zone' for cars, causing an unforeseen increase in bicycle sales. Who knew deterrence could lead to eco-friendliness?. Fact: Did you know that traffic jams can sometimes be solved by just turning your car into a bicycle? Yeah, didn't think so..
• Headline: CHASE PONDERING NEW CREDIT CARD; Bank Considers Membership in Bankcard Association CHASE PONDERING NEW CREDIT CARD. Impact: Chase's contemplation of a new credit card led to a series of ridiculous credit card offers, including one that gave rewards points for buying avocado toast. Because nothing says 'financial responsibility' like eating breakfast on a budget.. Fact: Fun fact: Credit card companies are basically just gambling with your finances, which is why they're so good at throwing fancy parties..