NOVEMBER 8, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Columbia University Expansion Plans by I.M. Pei. Impact: I.M. Pei’s planning for Columbia University leads to the construction of a building that becomes a hotbed for student protests, ultimately giving birth to the phrase 'you can’t spell education without U-N-I-T-Y.'. Fact: Columbia's expansion also coincidentally created the world's largest collection of coffee cups, a necessary tool for all-nighters.
• Headline: Woman Hits Kiesinger in Eye in Berlin and Gets Year; WOMAN STRIKES KIESINGER IN EYE. Impact: After the infamous eye-poking incident, Kiesinger's political career is forever altered, leading to Germany's strict 'no eye contact' policy in politics, which still confuses future leaders. Fact: This event also inspired a new Olympic sport: political dodgeball, where politicians must avoid balls thrown by their constituents.
• Headline: Expectation of New Talks on War in Laos Grows in Vientiane. Impact: The expectation of new talks on war in Laos creates a ripple effect that leads to every future peace conference being accompanied by a mandatory yoga session, in hopes of finding inner peace before tackling outer conflicts. Fact: Because if you can’t solve a war, at least you can stretch it out.
• Headline: Singapore, Facing British Withdrawal in 1971, Fights for Prosperity and Survival. Impact: Singapore's struggle for prosperity leads to the creation of a secret recipe for their famous chili crab, which later becomes a diplomatic tool, helping to mend relations with neighboring countries through culinary exchange. Fact: Who knew that crabs could be more effective negotiators than politicians?.
• Headline: Scientists on Track Of a New Element; Scientists on Coast Are on the Track of a New, Heavy, Long-Lived Element. Impact: The discovery of a new heavy element leads to an unexpected boom in chemistry puns, inspiring future comedians to delve into the world of science for their material, which eventually becomes a staple in stand-up routines. Fact: Because who doesn't love a good joke about periodic elements? It's chemistry humor at its finest!.
• Headline: City Holding Teachers' Pay as Antistrike Move. Impact: The withholding of teachers' pay leads to a nationwide revolution where teachers band together to create the first-ever 'Teach-In' that ultimately inspires the modern-day teacher's lounge, filled with coffee and sarcasm. Fact: This incident also gave rise to the phrase 'Those who can't teach, strike!'.