OCTOBER 2, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chad President Lands Here. Impact: President Tombalbaye's arrival supposedly marked a moment of diplomatic significance. But really, it just gave the tabloids something to gossip about while the real issues simmered under the surface. Thanks for the distraction, guys!. Fact: Chad's president flying to NYC is like your uncle showing up at Thanksgiving—everyone's polite, but nobody really knows what he’s doing there.
• Headline: FINANCIAL CHIEFS PRAISE M'NAMARA; 'New Impetus' Is Seen for World Bank by Delegates. Impact: McNamara's praise from financial chiefs sounded like a plot twist in a corporate thriller. This 'new impetus' might have led to a world economy teetering on the edge of chaos, all thanks to a few pats on the back. Who needs a budget when you have sycophants?. Fact: McNamara was once the Secretary of Defense, so it's safe to say his 'new impetus' could have been a euphemism for 'let's figure out how to spend this money wisely—after we finish this war.'.
• Headline: Find 'Nothing New' in Bid to Halt Bombing; Hanoi Aides Rebuff Humphrey On His Bid to End All Bombing. Impact: Humphrey's failed bid to halt bombing was like trying to stop a freight train with a stop sign. The N Vietnamese were probably sitting back with popcorn, enjoying the show. This event set the stage for years of diplomatic confusion and military engagement. Bravo!. Fact: Le Duc Tho was the first person to win the Nobel Peace Prize and then refuse it. Talk about a power move! Maybe he just didn't want to deal with the awkward 'thank you' speeches.
• Headline: RUSK SUPPORTING JARRING'S MISSION; Cool to Soviet Attempts at Mideast Talk Outside U.N.. Impact: Rusk's coolness towards Soviet attempts at Mideast dialogue was like a toddler refusing to share their toys. This refusal to engage led to decades of tension and misunderstanding, proving that sometimes, it’s better to let the kids play together. Fact: If only Rusk had sent a nice 'let's chat' card instead of being cool, we might have avoided a whole lot of cold wars, but where's the drama in that?.
• Headline: SENATE BARS MOVE TO END FILIBUSTER BY FORTAS CRITICS; Nomination Appears Doomed as Bid to Invoke Closure Falls Short by 14 Votes NEXT STEP UNDECIDED Griffin Warns That Others Want to Talk -- Dirksen Sees Early Adjournment SENATE BARS END TO FORTAS DEBATE. Impact: The Senate's rejection of a filibuster-ending move was basically a 'let's annoy everyone for an extended period' choice. This event ensured that future political debates would be just as long and tedious, with a side of popcorn for the audience. Fact: The filibuster is like the political equivalent of your friend who just can't get to the point. It's a wonder they don't charge admission for these debates.