SEPTEMBER 26, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Avco Embassy Pictures Joins Movie Group. Impact: This seemingly innocuous addition of Avco Embassy Pictures to the group sparked a chain reaction leading to the eventual production of an inexplicable number of sequels, reboots, and a cinematic universe that could only be rivaled by actual universes. Thanks, Avco!. Fact: Did you know that adding one more member to a movie group can lead to a 90% increase in bad ideas? It's like inviting a toddler to a board meeting.
• Headline: Caetano Named Successor to Salazar. Impact: Caetano's ascension was like a political game of Jenga—removing one dictator only to create a precarious structure that would eventually collapse under its own weight, leading to an entirely new era of governance that no one thought would happen. Spoiler alert: it did. Fact: Fun fact: sometimes a law professor can go from teaching about democracy to leading a military regime. Talk about a career change!.
• Headline: CANADA IS SEEKING TO CURB INFLATION; Ottawa Puts Price Stability Ahead of Cut in Jobless. Impact: By prioritizing price stability over employment, Canada set a precedent for future governments to play economic whack-a-mole, where inflation and unemployment would continue to dance the tango for decades. Bravo, Ottawa!. Fact: If you think curbing inflation is hard, try explaining it to someone who just lost their job! The economic theory really doesn't translate to dinner table conversations.
• Headline: FORD PRICE UP 2%, EQUALING G.M. RISE; Average '69 Auto Will Cost $70 More -- Chrysler to Study Rivals' Increases FORD PRICE UP 2%, EQUALING G.M. RISE. Impact: Ford's price hike was the catalyst for an automotive arms race where rising car prices became a badge of honor. Soon, every automaker was in a price-raising frenzy, leading to the birth of the 'luxury' economy. Thanks, Ford!. Fact: Did you know that car prices go up faster than a squirrel on espresso? Just wait until they start charging extra for the steering wheel!.
• Headline: Athens Says Vote for Charter Would Imply Approval of Coup. Impact: This vote was a pivotal moment that revealed the precarious dance between democracy and dictatorship in Greece, ultimately leading to a long struggle for freedom that would echo through generations. It’s a bit heavy, but history often is. Fact: In Greece, voting yes to a charter could mean saying yes to a coup. Talk about confusing ballot measures!.
• Headline: North Vietnamese Spurn Thant Proposal, Say U.N. Has No Role. Impact: The rejection of the U.N. proposal was like the moment when you realize your group project partner isn't going to do their part—leading to a protracted conflict that would shape international relations for decades, proving that sometimes you can’t just 'talk it out.'. Fact: Did you know that there’s a fine line between diplomacy and stubbornness? Just ask North Vietnam—they walked it like a tightrope!.
• Headline: Peruvian Police Use Tear Gas To Disperse Rioters in Lima. Impact: The use of tear gas to disperse rioters marked a turning point in public protest tactics, leading to more creative and often chaotic methods of dissent. Who knew that a little gas could ignite such passion?. Fact: Tear gas: the police's way of saying, 'We'd rather not talk about this.'.
• Headline: KIESINGER URGES DEFENSE STEP-UP; In View of Czech Crisis, He Favors Policy of Speaking Softly, With Bigger Stick Kiesinger Urges Step-Up in West German Defenses. Impact: Kiesinger's call for a stronger defense was like adding fuel to the Cold War fire, leading to a series of tense standoffs and an arms build-up that would have made even the most seasoned poker player sweat. Fact: Speaking softly while wielding a big stick is a fine art—mostly because it’s hard to carry a stick and whisper at the same time!.