SEPTEMBER 17, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Life Sentences for Carolina Strangler. Impact: In a bizarre twist of fate, the life imprisonment of this strangler inspired a new genre of true crime podcasts. Fast forward a few decades, and now everyone thinks they're a detective because they binge-listened to a series narrated by an overly dramatic voice actor.. Fact: The real strangler was the suspenseful music in the background of the crime documentaries that followed. Talk about being guilty by association!.
• Headline: U.S. Plans Military Maneuvers in West Germany. Impact: This military maneuver set off a chain reaction of nations sending F-4s everywhere. Eventually, a confused pigeon in Berlin mistook them for birds and started a new trend of avian-themed military parades.. Fact: The last time the U.S. sent squadrons to Germany, they forgot the extra ketchup packets for the soldiers. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Tribute to Traffic Commissioner Henry A. Barnes. Impact: Barnes's death left a gaping hole in the traffic world, leading to the invention of GPS. Had he lived, we might still be using paper maps and arguing over who forgot to turn left at the gas station.. Fact: Traffic commissioners are like unsung heroes—except they also get to hear the world’s worst driver complaints. 'No, sir, I can't help you with that left turn.'.
• Headline: Roll-Call Vote in Senate On Ammunition Control. Impact: This roll-call vote on ammunition control birthed a thousand memes and the phrase 'I voted for this' in countless sarcastic tweets about political decisions. Thanks, Senate!. Fact: Roll-call votes are just Congress's way of saying, 'Hey, remember us? We’re still here, making questionable decisions one roll at a time.'.
• Headline: The Mozart Violin Sonatas -- Endless Variety, Subtlety, Beauty. Impact: The rave reviews for Mozart's violin sonatas led to an unexpected resurgence in classical music appreciation—at least until the next viral cat video captured everyone's attention.. Fact: Mozart was known for his incredible compositions, but rumor has it he could never find a decent parking spot for his horse-drawn carriage..
• Headline: $250-Million Bond Issue Is Set By World Bank to Yield 6.40%; Credit Markets: $250-Million Bond Issue Is Set by World Bank. Impact: This bond issue was the start of a financial rollercoaster that eventually led to people investing in cryptocurrency because they thought it was somehow safer than bonds. Spoiler: it wasn’t.. Fact: The World Bank's bond issues have more plot twists than a daytime soap opera. Tune in next week for another cliffhanger!.
• Headline: Style Lifts Sales of Boys' Wear; STORE AIDS SALES FOR BOYS' WEAR. Impact: The rise in boys' wear sales led to an unforeseen fashion trend where boys began wearing ridiculous oversized hats that confused the adults. The parents still haven't recovered.. Fact: Boys' fashion is the only industry where you can successfully sell a shirt covered in cartoon characters and call it 'vintage.'.
• Headline: MARKET RESUMES ITS UPWARD TREK; Some Reports Suggest That an Expected Slowdown Will Not Develop. Impact: The stock market's upward trek inspired a whole generation of people who thought they could become day traders after watching a single YouTube tutorial. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.. Fact: Wall Street is just a fancy term for a place where people trade money for more money while wearing suits. It’s like Monopoly, but with real consequences!.
• Headline: East Germans Find Relic. Impact: The discovery of a 1,000-year-old boat relic led to a sudden interest in nautical archaeology, causing a rise in pirate-themed birthday parties. Ahoy, matey!. Fact: The real treasure was the friendships formed between historians who argued over whether the boat was a 'vessel' or just a really old canoe..