SEPTEMBER 11, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Leary Addresses Police Community Dynamics. Impact: Leary's proclamation about police mirroring the community led to a series of awkward neighborhood watch meetings where citizens debated the merits of tactical gear while sipping artisanal lattes. Who knew the right-wing sentiment would evolve into a full-blown social media meme about yoga pants and pepper spray?. Fact: Did you know that the 'community policing' trend actually began when officers realized they could get free donuts from local bakeries by just being friendly?.
• Headline: Aiken's Primary Victory in Vermont. Impact: Aiken's victory inadvertently inspired future politicians to believe that age is just a number, leading to a bizarre trend where 76-year-olds begin running marathons instead of countries. The world slowly rolled its eyes. Fact: Fun fact: Aiken's campaign slogan was actually 'Older, but not necessarily wiser.'.
• Headline: Speeches by Chou and Mao's Wife Indicate Anew That Communist China Is Stressing Consolidation. Impact: Chou and Mao's wife's consolidation talk influenced a generation of armchair revolutionaries to start consolidating their video game collections instead. Who knew that 'stress of consolidation' would apply to both politics and digital media?. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'consolidation is key' was later adopted by many companies, although it primarily referred to their coffee budgets.
• Headline: HUMPHREY HAILS UNITY ON VIETNAM; Says Stand by Candidates Raises Hope on Talks -Joint Statement Urged HUMPHREY HAILS UNITY ON VIETNAM. Impact: Humphrey's optimism about unity on Vietnam led to a bizarre chain of events where politicians began to believe that if they just said 'let’s talk' enough, they could resolve any international crisis, including who ate the last slice of pizza. Fact: Did you know that Humphrey's 'unity' speeches often included tips on how to bake the perfect peace pie?.
• Headline: NEWS OF REALTY: THIRD AVE. TOWER; Building to Rise on Parcel From 49th to 50th St.. Impact: The announcement of the Third Ave. Tower sparked a real estate boom that led to the creation of the 'Towers of Mediocrity' across the nation, where every mediocre idea found a home in glass and steel. Fact: Fun fact: The original plan for the Third Ave. Tower included a rooftop garden filled with plastic flamingos, but that was deemed too avant-garde.
• Headline: Easy Minnesota Triumph. Impact: Fraser's easy victory in Minnesota inspired many politicians to think that winning elections was as easy as winning at bingo night, leading to a slew of candidates who campaigned primarily at local bars. Fact: Did you know that Fraser's campaign slogan was 'Let’s make politics as easy as a Sunday morning? No one actually believed it, but it sounded catchy!.
• Headline: LACK OF ENZYME LINKED TO ANEMIA; Chemicals and Deficiency Destroy Red Blood Cells. Impact: The link between enzyme deficiency and anemia sparked a wave of new health fads, with people insisting that they were just 'G-6-PD deficient' to avoid drinking kale smoothies. This led to a national shortage of kale and a rise in potato chips. Fact: Fun fact: The enzyme G-6-PD was actually the first enzyme to get its own Instagram account, dedicated to 'life in the red blood cell lane.'.
• Headline: France Sells U.S. 220-Million in Gold. Impact: France's sale of gold to the U.S. was the catalyst for a series of gold rushes in pop culture, resulting in an unexpected boom in pirate-themed movies and a collective longing for treasure maps. Fact: Did you know that the gold sale was initially suggested to fund a nationwide cheese festival? Imagine the ‘cheddar’ jokes that would have followed!.
• Headline: Storm Strikes Hanoi. Impact: The storms in Hanoi led to a new trend in disaster preparedness among hipsters who decided that 'storm-chic' was the next big thing, resulting in a booming market for artisanal storm shelters. Fact: Fun fact: The two typhoons were later ironically voted as the 'Best Dressed Storms of the Year' at the annual weather gala.