SEPTEMBER 10, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mineral Deposits Discovered in Quebec. Impact: This discovery started a gold rush that led to a chain reaction of 'get-rich-quick' schemes, resulting in the invention of the world's first pyramid scheme, which ironically was based on selling mineral rights in the area. Who knew geology could lead to such financial genius?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more valuable than minerals is the 'expert' who claims to know where to find them? Spoiler: they usually don’t..
• Headline: Czech Reporter Dismissed from U.N. Position. Impact: The recall of Dr. Kral led to a series of unfortunate events that convinced future correspondents to buy their own 'I survived the Czech U.N. briefing' t-shirts. This ultimately inspired a whole genre of satirical news reporting.. Fact: Did you know that 'disclaiming remarks' is U.N. speak for 'we have no idea what we're doing'?.
• Headline: EAST GERMANS SAY PROTEST WAS HELD; Czech Invasion Reported to Have Stirred Erfurt. Impact: This protest sparked an underground movement that eventually inspired the invention of the ‘silent protest’—where everyone just silently agreed to complain about the government while having coffee.. Fact: Protesting in East Germany was like a party with no snacks: everyone was invited, but nobody really wanted to join in..
• Headline: SOVIET IRRITATED BY CZECH PRESS; Cautions That Criticism of Occupiers Violates Pact. Impact: This warning led to a surge in underground publications, proving that the best way to get people to read something is to tell them they can't. Thanks to this, future generations would learn that censorship only fuels curiosity.. Fact: Censorship is just like putting a sticker on a book cover: it always makes people want to read it even more..
• Headline: Levin-Townsend Offer. Impact: This offer set off a frenzy of corporate mergers and acquisitions, leading to the eventual creation of companies that are so big they could eat small nations for breakfast. Ever heard of a corporate giant? They all started with a tender offer.. Fact: Tender offers are just corporate love letters, minus the romance and with much more legal jargon..
• Headline: Soviet Openly Displays Its Military Equipment. Impact: By openly flaunting their military, the Soviets inadvertently set off an arms race that would have everyone in the world scrambling to upgrade their toy collections. Thanks, guys, for making the Cold War feel like a bad episode of 'Pimp My Ride.'. Fact: Nothing says 'we mean business' like a well-displayed arsenal. The Soviets were just ahead of their time in marketing..
• Headline: Soviet Stiffening Ideological Controls in the Arts and Literature. Impact: This crackdown on creativity led to a renaissance of covert art and literature, where artists began hiding messages and meanings in plain sight, paving the way for modern-day memes. Who knew oppression could inspire such creativity?. Fact: When the government says 'no art for you', artists just hear 'challenge accepted'..
• Headline: Prague Urges Its Citizens To Return From Abroad. Impact: This urgent call home caused a wave of unexpected family reunions that would eventually lead to a series of 'awkward Thanksgiving dinners' in the years to come. Thanks, Prague, for all the awkward silences!. Fact: Nothing says 'welcome home' like a government that misses your taxes..