AUGUST 25, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Madrid's Population Milestone of 3 Million. Impact: This population boom set off a chain reaction of urban planning disasters, leading to the construction of a monumentally oversized statue of a paella dish, which tourists still get lost in to this day. Fact: By the year 2000, Madrid’s population did double, but so did the number of confused tourists asking where to find the nearest flamenco show.
• Headline: Brandeis Appoints Judaic Studies Leader. Impact: The establishment of the Cohen Judaic Studies Chair led to an unexpected increase in Jewish-themed trivia nights, ultimately causing the rise of hipster bar trivia culture. Who knew a chair could change nightlife?. Fact: Dr. N C Brandwein might've been the first, but he certainly wasn’t the last to sit in a chair and ponder the deep philosophical questions of life... like why we still haven’t solved world hunger.
• Headline: Washington: Czechoslovakia and Disarmament. Impact: The discussions on disarmament led to an unplanned surge in international peace festivals, where no one could quite agree on what peace actually meant, but everyone loved the free food. Fact: The USSR thought they could hide behind tanks, but history showed that ideas are notoriously hard to stop, especially when they come with catchy slogans.
• Headline: Choice for the Democrats. Impact: The internal Democratic debates on Vietnam echoed through the years, leading to a never-ending cycle of political candidates promising to end wars while simultaneously starting new ones—because why not?. Fact: If you think the Democratic Party’s internal debates are confusing now, just wait until you see what they come up with during the next presidential election!.
• Headline: Pa. Economy Finds Trail To Growth. Impact: The Pennsylvania economy's resurgence led to a bizarre fashion trend of people wearing 'I love 66' shirts, as if the year itself was a beloved celebrity. Fact: The economic growth was so promising that people started claiming they could feel it in their bones—until they realized it was just the pizza they had for lunch.
• Headline: Review 6 -- No Title. Impact: The mysterious 'Review 6' sparked a wave of avant-garde art movements where critics began giving everything and nothing a title, leaving art historians scratching their heads for decades. Fact: Sometimes, no title is the best title, especially when it comes to that one painting of a blue square that sold for millions. Who knew ambiguity could be so profitable?.
• Headline: JEWS FIND A GUIDE IN BASEBALL MAN; Remarks by Walter Alston Included in Booklet. Impact: Walter Alston's remarks caused an unexpected uptick in baseball-themed religious ceremonies, where batters and prayers were equally important to the congregation. Fact: It turns out that in baseball, as in life, having a good guide can make all the difference—unless it’s your team’s manager, in which case you're probably doomed.
• Headline: People Of the Book. Impact: This literary exploration prompted an unforeseen revival of book clubs, where members argued over which character would win in a fight, forever changing the landscape of social gatherings. Fact: The phrase 'People of the Book' has been used so much that book sales skyrocketed, thus making authors everywhere richer than they ever dreamed—until the next tax season, of course.