AUGUST 18, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Karl Shapiro's Provocative Review. Impact: If children had been abolished back then, the world would have become a giant adult daycare with nothing but boring meetings and paperwork to entertain us. Imagine how many awkward family reunions could have been avoided! Thank you, Karl Shapiro, for keeping the little ones around to make our lives slightly more chaotic. Fact: Did you know that Karl Shapiro once won a Pulitzer Prize? Clearly, he had the credentials to suggest abolishing children—because nothing says 'I know life' like a poet's existential crisis.
• Headline: Eisenhower's Health Crisis and Recovery. Impact: Eisenhower's health crisis led to a panic that resulted in the establishment of emergency medical protocols, impacting how future presidents would be treated. Imagine if he had little heart-shaped stickers on his medical charts; we'd be living in a world where hearts are the universal symbol of presidential health!. Fact: Fun fact: Eisenhower was the first U.S. president to have a heart attack while in office. Guess that was the moment someone decided to invest in presidential health insurance!.
• Headline: BIG GOVERNMENT' IS FEARED IN POLL; Gallup Finds 'Big Labor' 2d and 'Big Business' 3d. Impact: This poll caused a ripple effect that led to a lifetime of conspiracy theories about government overreach, resulting in the creation of 'Big Everything'. Fast forward to today, and we're still arguing about whether the government should control our WiFi. Spoiler: it's probably too late. Fact: Did you know that 'big government' is often just a euphemism for anything people don’t want to pay taxes for? It’s like calling your least favorite relative 'overly assertive.'.
• Headline: Meets Foreign Minister Again. Impact: This meeting set off a chain reaction of diplomatic coffee breaks that eventually led to the invention of casual Fridays in politics. Now, politicians can casually ruin our lives in Hawaiian shirts!. Fact: Did you know that 'Bouteflika' means 'little mouth' in Arabic? So, it’s somewhat ironic that they were discussing anything serious at all!.
• Headline: S.C.L.C. VOWS FIGHT FOR INTEGRATION; Leaders Rededicate Group to Nonviolent Efforts. Impact: This vow not only catalyzed the civil rights movement but also inspired future generations to create viral hashtags for social justice. Thank you, S.C.L.C., for laying the groundwork for everything from protests to that one awkward Facebook post your aunt made. Fact: Did you know that the SCLC was founded by Martin Luther King Jr. and other civil rights leaders? Talk about a power team—like the Avengers, but with more civil disobedience and fewer capes.
• Headline: Group to Advise On Farm Exports. Impact: This advisory group inadvertently led to the rise of gluten-free fad diets, because who knew that exporting wheat would lead to people avoiding it like the plague? Farmers suddenly became the new influencers on social media—'Look at my acres; they’re organic!'. Fact: Did you know that agribusiness is one of the largest industries in the U.S.? So, if you think farming is just about cows and crops, think again—there are spreadsheets involved too!.
• Headline: GOLDBERG FINDING PRIVATE LIFE BUSY; Writing, Teaching and Law More Than Fill His Time. Impact: Goldberg’s busy schedule led to the realization that people can indeed multitask—thus paving the way for future lawyers to excel in writing their own reality TV scripts. Who knew the legal field had a flair for the dramatic?. Fact: Did you know that Goldberg was the first Jewish justice on the U.S. Supreme Court? He probably had more legal notes than anyone could read in one lifetime!.
• Headline: Fortas's Conduct as Citizen. Impact: The scrutiny of Fortas's conduct led to a heightened awareness of ethical behavior in politics, which sadly did not stop future politicians from acting like they were on a reality show. Spoiler: they still do. Fact: Did you know that Fortas resigned from the Supreme Court amid controversy? It seems that even justices can't escape the drama of public opinion!.