AUGUST 2, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: AFL-CIO Leader Resigns Amid Controversy. Impact: This resignation set off a chain reaction that led to the eventual creation of the 'Quitters' Hall of Fame' where people who leave jobs in dramatic fashion are celebrated. Because who doesn't love a good dramatic exit?. Fact: Did you know that when people quit jobs, they often forget to take their plants with them? It's a botanical tragedy that could have been avoided..
• Headline: M'CARTHY AIDE SEES NECK-AND-NECK RACE. Impact: The intense competition among aides led to the rise of political aides hosting high-stakes 'Aide Olympics,' where they compete in feats of coffee brewing and rumor spreading, forever changing the culture of political campaigns.. Fact: Political aides often hold the real power, but they prefer to stay behind the scenes—probably because they know what happens to those who step into the limelight..
• Headline: Hun School Picks Chairman. Impact: The selection of a chairman sparked a debate that eventually led to the establishment of 'Chairman’s Choice' awards, where the most arbitrary school policies are recognized annually.. Fact: School boards are like the adult version of a group project: everyone participates, but no one really wants to take responsibility..
• Headline: Brunei Crowns 22-Year-Old Sultan. Impact: This young Sultan's rise to power initiated a trend of youth leadership that inspired countless memes and the phrase 'age is just a number'—which is often followed by the phrase 'but experience is still important.'. Fact: Sultans have a lot on their plate—literally and figuratively. Who knew ruling a country could come with such an extensive menu of responsibilities?.
• Headline: O'DWYER PRESSES M'CARTHY DRIVE; But Campaigns Quietly for Himself on Upstate Tour. Impact: This campaign strategy created a new genre of 'stealth campaigning' where candidates now hold rallies under the guise of doing something else, like selling cookies or promoting yoga classes.. Fact: Politicians are like cats: they often sneak around to get what they want, and somehow, they always land on their feet..
• Headline: Sun Bathers Favor Gallup; Lox Eaters for Harris. Impact: This poll led to the creation of the 'Sunbather vs. Lox Eater' rivalry, where beach towels and bagels became the ultimate symbols of class warfare.. Fact: Polling data has become so sophisticated that even the sunbathers and lox eaters have their own focus groups—because who doesn't want to know what their sunscreen preference says about their political stance?.