JULY 28, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mobil Expands Operations in Indonesia. Impact: Mobil's increased presence in Indonesia led to a butterfly effect of corporate greed, causing future oil tycoons to adopt the mantra, 'Why share the wealth when you can hoard it?' This also laid the groundwork for the infamous 'bathroom stall negotiations' of the 21st century. Fact: Did you know that Mobil eventually merged with Exxon? Because nothing says 'we love the environment' like a giant oil corporation swallowing another!.
• Headline: Troop Movements at the Cold War Edge. Impact: The troop movements reported in East Germany set off a chain reaction that eventually led to the fall of the Berlin Wall. Who knew a little troop shuffling could change the landscape of Europe forever? A true lesson in how not to play chess. Fact: Did you know that the Cold War was basically just two superpowers playing a never-ending game of 'who can annoy the other more'? Spoiler alert: Everyone lost!.
• Headline: San Francisco: A Nation of Amiable Grumblers. Impact: The 'Amiable Grumblers' of San Francisco paved the way for future hipsters who would one day complain about their overpriced lattes while wearing ironic t-shirts. If only they had known their grumbling would turn into a lifestyle brand!. Fact: Did you know that San Francisco has one of the highest costs of living in the U.S.? So, their grumbling might be the most justified complaint ever!.
• Headline: How to Keep Playwrights Writing Plays; Keep Playwrights Writing. Impact: Chodorov's call for grants to playwrights turned into a self-perpetuating cycle of dependency, leading to future playwrights who believe that writing is a government job. Welcome to the world of arts funding, where creativity goes to die under a pile of bureaucratic paperwork!. Fact: Did you know that playwrights often have to survive on coffee and existential dread? Maybe those grants should include 'emotional support animals' too!.
• Headline: Auto Racing Thrills Are Captured on Canvas by Surgeon. Impact: The surgeon's fascination with auto racing art led to a wave of medical professionals pursuing abstract art. This inspired future doctors to abandon their scalpel for a paintbrush, resulting in some truly 'out there' interpretations of the human body. Fact: Did you know that auto racing is one of the few sports where you can legally cheer for crashes? Just try doing that at a surgeon's convention!.
• Headline: In The Nation: Hey, Look Me Over. Impact: Wicker's musings on Humphrey's running mate predicament foreshadowed decades of political strategizing that led to candidates picking their pals instead of the best person for the job. Cheers to mediocrity!. Fact: Did you know that political running mates are often chosen based on who can tolerate the candidate's quirks? It's basically a modern-day version of 'Survivor'!.
• Headline: Lena Horne: 'Now I Feel Good About Being Me'. Impact: Lena Horne's declaration of self-acceptance set off a cultural revolution that led to countless others embracing their identities. This butterfly effect eventually resulted in reality TV, where everyone is trying to be their 'authentic' selves while secretly plotting to sabotage each other. Fact: Did you know that Lena Horne was not only a performer but also a civil rights activist? Talk about multitasking—she was basically the original 'boss lady'!.
• Headline: Penney Investing in Student Designs. Impact: J.C. Penney's investment in student designs has inspired countless big retailers to source their products from the latest design school, leading to a fashion industry full of overpriced 'student-inspired' clothes that no student could afford. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that J.C. Penney once tried to reinvent itself as a hip brand? Spoiler: it didn’t work. Turns out, no one wants to buy skinny jeans from their parents’ favorite store.
• Headline: War Correspondent Is Barred 6 Months By U.S. Command. Impact: The war correspondent’s ban for telling the truth contributed to a long legacy of journalistic integrity being tested in war zones, resulting in future reporters being banned for using the word 'truth' in their stories. Bravo, freedom of the press!. Fact: Did you know that journalists often risk their lives for the truth? Meanwhile, some influencers are risking nothing but their reputations for likes on Instagram!.