JULY 25, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: DIY Laser Innovation at IBM. Impact: This $25 to $50 DIY laser led to the rise of basement inventors everywhere. Little did they know, one basement laser would eventually cause a cat to accidentally become the first feline to launch a satellite, thus igniting the space race between cats and dogs.. Fact: The only thing more dangerous than a DIY laser is a DIY haircut. Choose wisely, folks..
• Headline: Czech Students’ Quest to Aid Lambarene. Impact: The Czech students' determination to deliver aid sparked a global movement where students everywhere began turning their school projects into humanitarian missions. Soon enough, high schoolers were sending pizza to the moon—because why not?. Fact: Turns out, the journey of 14,000 miles only makes you realize how little you can pack in a truck. Next time, pack snacks!.
• Headline: Harriman Probes North Vietnam's Stance. Impact: Harriman's inquiries led to a series of diplomatic misunderstandings that made international relations feel like a bad episode of a soap opera. It was like watching a game of telephone—only with nuclear tensions.. Fact: If you think getting a straight answer from a politician is hard, try asking your cat why it knocked over your favorite plant. Good luck!.
• Headline: Wife of Skipper of Pueblo Opposes a Military Move. Impact: Mrs. Bucher's opposition to military action led to a wave of anti-military sentiment that eventually inspired a cult classic film about a family of fish trying to escape a military aquarium. Art imitates life, or something like that.. Fact: Fun fact: Saying 'I oppose military action' is like a toddler saying they won't eat their vegetables. It might just end with an epic tantrum..
• Headline: CON ED PLANNING HUGE ATOM PLANT AT FORT SLOCUM; New Rochelle Sells Island to Utility -- Any Pollution of L.I. Sound Discounted Con Ed Planning Huge Atom Plant at Fort Slocum. Impact: Con Ed's plans for a nuclear plant sparked a wave of community protests, leading to the creation of the 'No Nuke' stickers that became iconic in the 80s. Who knew that environmental activism could be so fashionable?. Fact: Buying an island for a nuclear plant is like buying a pet goldfish and putting it in a shark tank. Seems a bit risky!.
• Headline: KLEIN'S FIREBOMBED; SUSPECT ARRESTED. Impact: The firebombing incident at S Klein led to increased security measures that would eventually inspire the creation of the first 'Department Store Safety Training' program, which is still ineffective to this day.. Fact: Firebombing a department store: the ultimate way to ensure you never get invited to a sale again..
• Headline: $2-Billion Deficit Seen. Impact: The $2 billion deficit discussion set off a series of economic policies that eventually led to the invention of the phrase 'We're in the red, but at least we're not in the purple!'. Fact: The only thing more terrifying than a $2 billion deficit is trying to balance your own checkbook after a weekend shopping spree..
• Headline: Saigon Is Building More Vital Regime; Saigon, Long Beset by Corruption and Rifts, Is Building a More Vital Regime. Impact: Saigon's attempts to build a more vital regime inadvertently resulted in a political circus, complete with clowns and jugglers—because nothing says stability like a few well-placed pratfalls.. Fact: Saigon's political landscape was so corrupt that even the pigeons were taking bribes. Watch your breadcrumbs!.
• Headline: Daley Endorses Kennedy for the Vice-Presidency. Impact: Daley endorsing Kennedy for the vice-presidency set off a chain reaction that would lead to countless awkward family dinners where nobody could agree on politics. Thanks, Daley!. Fact: Endorsing a candidate is like picking a favorite child. Someone's always going to be unhappy..
• Headline: Corporations for the Poor Proposed by 26 Senators; Corporations for Poor Asked By Bipartisan Group in Senate. Impact: The proposal for corporations to help the poor accidentally led to a billion-dollar industry of 'nonprofits' where everyone wore matching t-shirts and drank overpriced coffee. Social change at its finest!. Fact: Creating corporations for the poor is like handing out band-aids at a car crash. Feels good, but doesn't really fix the problem..