JULY 21, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fortas' Controversial Non-Judicial Role. Impact: Fortas's grilling sparked a chain reaction leading to the establishment of 'Fortas Fridays,' where lawyers everywhere gather to roast each other’s questionable legal choices in a light-hearted manner. Who knew judicial accountability could be so fun?. Fact: Did you know that every time a judge is grilled, a lawyer gets their wings? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be something?.
• Headline: Tax Delinquency Drops Thanks to Computers. Impact: This event led to an unexpected tech revolution where cities began renaming themselves after computer programs. Welcome to the glorious cities of 'Excel' and 'JavaScript'!. Fact: Did you know that the real reason for the tax cut was that the city finally learned how to turn on the computer? Progress takes time!.
• Headline: Heat Wave Drug Disparities Exposed. Impact: The phrase 'more equal' inspired a new line of pharmaceuticals that claimed to be 'extra super effective'—a label that ultimately led to a giant lawsuit and the rebranding of the entire industry as 'Big Pharma and Friends'.. Fact: Did you know that the original term 'more equal' was actually coined by a disgruntled pharmacy intern? True story!.
• Headline: McCarthy's Strength Assessed. Impact: The assessments of McCarthy’s strength led to the creation of a new sport: political wrestling. Senators now grapple with each other while debating—who needs civility when you can body slam your opponent?. Fact: Did you know that McCarthy once challenged a rival to a dance-off instead of a debate? Spoiler: he lost both..
• Headline: Dollar Confidence Grows. Impact: As confidence in the dollar grew, people began to believe it could even perform magic tricks. Soon, the dollar was the lead in a Broadway show titled 'The Amazing Money!' where it literally disappears.. Fact: Did you know that confidence in the dollar is like confidence in a magician? It can vanish in an instant!.
• Headline: Javits Sees a Threat to Peace in Soviet-Czechoslovak Crisis. Impact: Javits's warnings led to a rise in interpretive dance seminars across the nation, as people believed that understanding international crises was best done through the medium of dance. Spoiler: it wasn’t.. Fact: Did you know that interpretive dance was originally intended as a method to settle international disputes? Who needs diplomats when you can just twirl?.
• Headline: GREECE THREATENS TO CUT DANISH TIES. Impact: Greece’s threat caused a sudden spike in Danish pastry sales, as citizens rushed to find comfort in baked goods during a diplomatic crisis. Who knew carbs could save relationships?. Fact: Did you know that the Danish government considered sending a giant pastry as a peace offering? They were just too busy eating it instead..
• Headline: Seditious Saint; GANDHI. By Geoffrey Ashe. Illustrated. 404 pp. New York: Stein & Day. $8.95.. Impact: This biography inspired a worldwide movement where everyone started calling their pets 'seditious saints' in hopes of getting them to behave. Spoiler: it didn’t work.. Fact: Did you know that Gandhi once had a pet goat? It was a true 'seditious saint' in its own right!.
• Headline: Retail Sales Fatter But Less Profitable; Retailers' Sales Falter, But Not Their Earnings. Impact: The decline in profit margins led retailers to create a new marketing strategy: ‘Upscale Thrift’, where they sell their own products at a premium while claiming it’s vintage. Talk about a win-win!. Fact: Did you know that 'upscale thrift' was originally a typo that got out of hand? The rest is history!.