JULY 17, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: President Resigns Amid Capitol Concerns. Impact: The resignation of A W Livingston set off a chain reaction where every future president felt the need to resign gracefully, leading to an era of presidents who just thought it was better to throw in the towel rather than face the music. Cue the 'resignation dance' trend in politics.. Fact: Did you know that resigning at the Capitol is the political equivalent of throwing a tantrum in a candy store? Because nothing says 'I give up' like walking out of the people’s house..
• Headline: Latin Bishops Warn of Violence vs. Peaceful Change. Impact: The Latin Bishops’ warning about violent change was like the cosmic equivalent of a butterfly flapping its wings, eventually leading to an entire generation of activists who demanded change with all the subtlety of a marching band in a library.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Blind oligarchic classes' is what you call the rich folks when they refuse to wear glasses. They might miss the memo on societal change, but they sure won’t miss brunch!.
• Headline: Lindsay Declares No Interest in Candidacy. Impact: Lindsay's reiteration of not running meant that the political drama unfolded like a soap opera where the lead actor just decides that the show is boring and walks off set, leaving everyone wondering who will fill the void. Spoiler alert: nobody did.. Fact: Did you know that saying you won't run for office is just a fancy way of saying you enjoy your weekends too much to be bothered with politics? Smart move, Lindsay!.
• Headline: CHURCHES UPHOLD RIGHT TO OPPOSE 'PARTICULAR WARS'; World Council's Statement Backs Stand of Selective Conscientious Objection. Impact: The World Council's statement on selective conscientious objection was like dropping a rock into a pond, causing ripples that would eventually turn into waves of protests and movements questioning every war, leading to a world where every conflict was scrutinized as if it were a reality TV show.. Fact: It's fascinating how selective conscientious objection is basically the ‘pick and choose’ of morality. Who knew ethics could be so... customizable?.
• Headline: M'CARTHY URGES DELEGATE ACTION; Asks Crowds in Pittsburgh to Let Voices Be Heard. Impact: McCarthy's rallying cry in Pittsburgh was the political equivalent of a cat trying to herd its kittens. It created a moment where everyone suddenly felt entitled to their political opinions, leading to a flood of unsolicited advice that continues to this day.. Fact: Did you know that McCarthy’s 403,000 vote-total in Pennsylvania was like getting a C on a group project where everyone else did the work? At least he showed up!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Delegates in Utah Back Romney Conditionally. Impact: The conditional backing of Romney by G.O.P. delegates in Utah was like when your friends agree to support your band only if you play that one song they like. This set the stage for future political endorsements being as fickle as a teenager’s taste in music.. Fact: Did you know that conditional support is just a fancy way of saying 'I’ll support you, but only if I can get something out of it'? Classic politics!.
• Headline: Carte Blanche Elects. Impact: J E Hawthorne’s election as president was like throwing a dart at a board of names—no one really knew how it would end up, but hey, at least someone got a trophy out of it. This paved the way for countless future leaders to rise based on random chance.. Fact: Fun fact: Being elected president in organizations is sometimes less about merit and more about who can bake the best cookies for the committee. Hawthorne must've had a killer recipe!.
• Headline: Venezuela Rebuts Guyana. Impact: Venezuela's rebuttal of Guyana's charges was the political equivalent of two neighbors arguing over a fence line, setting the stage for future diplomatic disputes that could be resolved with a simple game of rock-paper-scissors.. Fact: Did you know that international law violations are like traffic tickets? Everyone claims they didn’t see the sign, but somehow, it always ends up in court..
• Headline: TRAVEL TAX PLAN IS KILLED BY PANEL; Senators Drop 30% Levy on Spending, but Keep Alive 2 Other Tourist Bills. Impact: The killing of the travel tax plan was like a bad haircut—everyone agreed it was necessary, but no one wanted to be the one to say it out loud. This led to future tax plans being so convoluted that even tax accountants threw up their hands in despair.. Fact: Did you know that politicians love to kill tax plans like kids love to kill ants with a magnifying glass? The thrill of it is just too hard to resist!.
• Headline: The Arab World: U.S. Viewed As Friend of the Enemy, Israel; The Arab World: U.S. Is Now Regarded as the Friend of the Enemy, Israel. Impact: The U.S. being viewed as a friend of Israel in the Arab world was like that awkward moment when you realize you’re the least popular kid at the party. This set off a series of diplomatic gymnastics that continue to confuse historians to this day.. Fact: Did you know that being labeled as a 'friend of the enemy' is just another way of saying 'I’m here for the snacks'? Because who doesn’t love a good buffet of international relations?.