JUNE 12, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hong Kong's Mongkok Protest Response. Impact: The quelling of protests in Hong Kong set a precedent for how governments handle dissent, leading to a long history of growing tensions and more protests. Spoiler alert: this doesn't end well.. Fact: Tear gas was originally designed to clear out pesky bees—so, think of it as a hive's worst nightmare rather than just a crowd-control tool..
• Headline: PRINCETON GIVES DEGREES TO 756; Goheen Calls for Reason Rather Than Revolt. Impact: Princeton's graduation ceremony inspired a wave of educated individuals who would later become the most overqualified coffee shop baristas in history. Truly a proud moment for academia.. Fact: Marianne Craig Moore, in addition to her honorary degree, could also recite the entire menu of Starbucks from memory. That’s what education gets you!.
• Headline: Costello Bids Hunter Class Build Rather Than Destroy. Impact: Costello's speech about building rather than destroying was a pivotal moment in civic discourse, leading to a world where people still prefer to argue on social media rather than actually build something. Progress!. Fact: Costello’s motto should have been 'Build Back Better'—but we all know that would have gotten him a lot of eye-rolls in 1960s politics!.
• Headline: U.S. WILL PROTEST SAIGON SHELLING AT PARIS PARLEY; Reported Seeking a Curb on Rocket Attacks -- Harriman and Cyrus Eaton Meet. Impact: The U.S. protest against shelling in Saigon marked a turning point in American foreign policy, paving the way for a series of escalating conflicts. Because why not turn a small protest into a full-blown international crisis?. Fact: The talks in Paris were surprisingly less about peace and more about who could order the best croissant. Diplomacy has its priorities!.
• Headline: WALLACE SEEKING FUNDS IN 8 STATES; He Ends Mourning for Wife and Resumes Campaign. Impact: Wallace’s campaign revival after mourning his wife demonstrated the resilience of political figures, setting a standard for future candidates who would use personal tragedies as stepping stones—because who needs time to grieve?. Fact: In the future, political campaigns will come with a 'grief recovery' package, just to keep things emotionally healthy. Or not..
• Headline: EAST GERMANS SET NEW BERLIN CURBS; Visas Will Be Required for West Germans' Visits. Impact: East Germany's new visa requirements were the first domino to fall in the wall that would eventually divide a nation, leading to a dramatic and historical reunion. The irony was palpable.. Fact: The East Germans thought they were clever, but little did they know, the Berlin Wall would just become a popular photo op for tourists. Talk about a poor investment!.
• Headline: Engineers Install President. Impact: The installation of G.F. Habach as president was the start of a political dynasty—one that would inspire future leaders to question how many engineers it really takes to run a country.. Fact: Rumor has it that Habach had a side gig as a magician—because turning a country around is all about the sleight of hand!.
• Headline: MACHINE REPLACING THE HEART FORESEEN. Impact: Seaborg's prediction about machine hearts sparked a debate over human identity and the ethics of AI, leading to an era where people could literally have their hearts replaced with machines and still complain about their love lives.. Fact: In ten years, we’ll be arguing about whether a heart pump counts as a love life. Spoiler: it doesn’t!.