MAY 24, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: French Police Back Strikers Amid Tensions. Impact: The French police starting to sympathize with strikers inadvertently led to the rise of workplace yoga. Workers realized if they could stretch their bodies into pretzel-like positions during negotiations, their demands would seem less threatening. Namaste, labor rights!. Fact: Did you know that the last time police sympathized with strikers, it turned into a massive dance-off? No? Well, that’s probably because it didn’t happen..
• Headline: House Rules Panel Closure Announcement. Impact: The House Rules Panel closing down in July set off a series of unfortunate events leading to the invention of the world's first procrastination app. Politicians everywhere rejoiced, as it allowed them to postpone actual work indefinitely.. Fact: Did you know that Congress actually adjourned by August 1? Shocking, I know. It’s like they have a superpower for disappearing!.
• Headline: U.S. Travel Chief Resigns Unexpectedly. Impact: The U.S. Travel Chief's resignation triggered a nationwide identity crisis for the tourism industry, leading to several poorly planned campaigns like 'Visit America: We Promise Not to Ask Questions!'. Fact: Did you know the U.S. Travel Chief's resignation was the first of many to come? It’s like a game of musical chairs, but nobody wants to sit down..
• Headline: ADMIT TEACHERS, M'COY IS ORDERED; Donovan Says He Wants All of Staff, Including 'Ousted' 13, to Resume Classes ADMIT TEACHERS, M'COY IS ORDERED. Impact: Donovan's order to admit all teachers sparked a nationwide trend of 'Teach and Twerk' classes, where students learned history while also learning how to dance. Education has never been so entertaining.. Fact: Did you know that 'ousted' teachers became legends in the underground teaching scene? They were like the rock stars of the faculty lounge..
• Headline: Dockers Resume Work Here. Impact: The dockers resuming work led to an unexpected rise in the demand for sandwiches, as they realized that working hard and eating well go hand in hand. Hence, the birth of the legendary 'Dockers Delight' sandwich.. Fact: Did you know that dockers once tried to start a union for sandwiches? They called it the 'Sub-Union.'.
• Headline: HARRIS POLL FINDS GAIN BY HUMPHREY; ' Real Changes of Opinion' in National Survey Noted. Impact: Humphrey's gain in the Harris Poll set off a bizarre 1970s trend where people believed winning polls meant winning hearts. This led to countless awkward political romance novels that are now considered classics.. Fact: Did you know that Humphrey was actually a great cook? Too bad no one cared about his cooking skills in the polls..
• Headline: Andreas Papandreou To Teach in Stockholm. Impact: Andreas Papandreou teaching in Stockholm inadvertently led to the creation of the world's first 'Economics for Dummies' series. Students realized they could learn about economics while simultaneously avoiding any real-world applications.. Fact: Did you know that Papandreou's lectures often included cooking tips? Apparently, he believed economics could be as simple as making a good stew..