APRIL 18, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Barnard Nominated for Nobel Prize. Impact: If Barnard wins the Nobel, it might spark a trend of everyone in Brazil nominating their dentists for the next big award. Oral hygiene is no joke, folks!. Fact: Did you know that Nobel prizes are often awarded for groundbreaking achievements? So, if you bake a cake well enough, you might just get nominated too!.
• Headline: Miss Doxiadis Is Betrothed. Impact: This betrothal could lead to a whole series of awkward family gatherings, where everyone pretends to be thrilled while secretly judging the cake choices. Who knew romance could lead to such culinary debates?. Fact: Did you know that getting engaged means you now have a lifetime supply of unsolicited marriage advice? Buckle up, Cali!.
• Headline: 17 RUSSIANS GUILTY IN ANTISTATE PLOT; Sought a Democracy Guided by Orthodox Church. Impact: This antistate plot could be the catalyst for future democracy movements. Or it could just lead to a really intense game of 'Who's the Spy?' at family gatherings.. Fact: Did you know that trying to overthrow a government is often frowned upon? But hey, at least it makes for a gripping plot twist in a novel!.
• Headline: NIGERIA INTENSIFIES PRESSURE ON BIAFRA. Impact: The intensification of pressure on Biafra could lead to a serious crisis, impacting humanitarian efforts for decades. A sad reminder that history often repeats itself with the same tragic consequences.. Fact: Did you know that wars have a terrible habit of causing unnecessary suffering? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: BASE AT KHESANH IS SHELLED AGAIN; Outpost Heavily Attacked a Second Day -- 19 Marines Killed in Enemy Assault BASE AT KHESANH IS SHELLED AGAIN. Impact: The shelling at Khesanh could have sparked a decades-long debate on military strategy and the use of B-52s, eventually leading to a rise in military-themed video games. Thanks, history!. Fact: Did you know that military bases are like bad reality shows? They come with a lot of drama and casualties, but somehow no one wants to turn off the channel..
• Headline: CINCINNATI PASSES ANTIRIOT ORDINANCE. Impact: Cincinnati's antiriot ordinance could spark a nationwide trend of cities trying to outdo each other in 'how to suppress public outrage' contests. Welcome to the new Olympics!. Fact: Did you know that passing an antiriot ordinance is like giving a toddler a timeout? It may stop the chaos temporarily, but the tantrums are just simmering beneath the surface..