APRIL 11, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Poles Elect New Chief of State. Impact: Spychalski's election as chief of state had the unintended consequence of leading to an annual 'Government Compromise Day' celebration, where opposing parties would awkwardly hug it out while pretending to agree on everything. Spoiler: they never did.. Fact: Did you know that parliamentary debates often resemble reality TV shows? Lots of drama, a few unexpected alliances, and absolutely zero resolution..
• Headline: Soviet Campaign Against Western Ideology. Impact: The USSR's ideological drive against the West not only intensified the Cold War but also inspired the formation of a secret society of hipster baristas, who believed that their caffeine-fueled conversations could save the world from subversion.. Fact: Fun fact: the ideological struggle between Communism and capitalism is still going on, but now it mostly involves memes and Twitter debates..
• Headline: The Rise of Radio's Influence. Impact: J Gould's discussion on radio's importance led to the invention of the 'talk show host' archetype. This would eventually evolve into reality TV stars giving unsolicited advice about everything from politics to skincare.. Fact: Did you know that radio waves can travel through space? Which is ironic, considering the amount of nonsense they transmit on Earth..
• Headline: A Soviet Spacecraft Is Reported To Be in an Orbit Around Moon. Impact: The Soviet spacecraft orbiting the moon sparked a race not just for space exploration but also for the world's most dramatic space-themed reality show, where astronauts would compete for the title of 'Best Moonwalker'. Spoiler alert: it was always Neil.. Fact: Did you know that the moon is about 238,855 miles away from Earth? Just far enough to avoid your ex's calls..
• Headline: How to Twist Arms: The Rockefeller Way; GOVERNOR SHOWS ARM-TWISTING ART. Impact: Rockefeller's arm-twisting tactics led to the establishment of a new political party known as 'The Favors Party', where all legislation was passed based on who could offer the best personal favor. Spoiler: it involved a lot of back massages.. Fact: Did you know that arm-twisting is not just a political tactic? It's also how children convince parents to let them have dessert before dinner..
• Headline: Passover Seder Is Held Here for Jews of Soviet. Impact: The Passover Seder held for Jews of the Soviet Union ignited a chain reaction of international protests, eventually leading to an annual global 'Freedom for Jews' concert series featuring surprisingly popular artists like Bob Dylan and Yentl.. Fact: Did you know that Passover is celebrated with a Seder meal that includes matzah? It’s basically the original flatbread before it became a hipster brunch item..
• Headline: A Czechoslovak Diplomat's Account of Persecution. Impact: Dr. Palecek's account of persecution inspired a new genre of literature called 'Trauma Memoirs', which inadvertently led to an influx of dramatic monologues at coffee shops everywhere, much to the dismay of anyone just trying to enjoy their latte in peace.. Fact: Did you know that sharing stories of persecution can be therapeutic? Just don’t expect everyone at your book club to be as interested as you are..
• Headline: O'Brien Quits as Postal Chief; Marvin Watson His Successor. Impact: O'Brien's resignation as postal chief led to the invention of the 'Postal Relay Race', where postal workers would compete to see who could deliver mail the fastest, while simultaneously dodging angry dogs and grumpy neighbors. The true test of endurance.. Fact: Did you know that the postal service has delivered mail in some of the most extreme conditions? If only they delivered pizza that fast!.