APRIL 3, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legacy of John H. Boyle's Reporting. Impact: In a twist of fate, John H. Boyle's retirement as a reporter sparked a nationwide trend of journalists mysteriously disappearing from the news scene—much like socks in a dryer. Who knew retirement could lead to an exodus of ink-slingers?. Fact: Fun fact: John H. Boyle's retirement was so low-key, even his own shadow didn't show up to say goodbye..
• Headline: Soviet Rocket Testing for Orbital Bombs. Impact: The Soviets' interest in maneuverable bomb rockets led to an arms race that, hilariously, resulted in more 'Oops, we accidentally launched a missile' headlines than any sane person could count. Thanks, USSR!. Fact: Did you know that 'FOBS' and 'MOBS' sound like the names of a really bad sitcom? 'Tune in next week for more FOBS vs. MOBS drama!'.
• Headline: Lindsay Questions Rockefeller on Race Issues. Impact: Lindsay's persistent inquiries into Rockefeller's race have indirectly led to an increase in political memes. Who knew asking about a race could inspire a generation of internet humor?. Fact: Fun fact: If asking about races was an Olympic sport, Lindsay would have taken gold—over and over again..
• Headline: HYMAN GERSHEN. Impact: Hyman Gershen's presence in the news cycle unfortunately inspired a slew of pun-heavy headlines about 'getting Gershen' that would haunt journalists for decades. You can thank him for your dad's bad jokes.. Fact: Did you know that Hyman Gershen was once a strong contender for the title of 'Most Likely to Have a Name That Sounds Like a Vintage Toy'?.
• Headline: Hemisphere Group Receives Report on Freedom of Press. Impact: The report on press freedom in the Western Hemisphere inadvertently led to a spike in people googling 'Why is Haiti not free?' and promptly getting lost in an endless rabbit hole of geopolitical conspiracy theories.. Fact: Fun fact: Haiti and Cuba are to press freedom what the Bermuda Triangle is to cruise ships—nobody's coming back with good news..
• Headline: Humphrey Is Silent On Entering Race, But Support Grows; Humphrey Maintains Silence on Race. Impact: Humphrey's silence on entering the race created a vacuum that was instantly filled by political pundits theorizing whether he was playing 4D chess or just taking a really long nap.. Fact: Did you know that 'Humphrey maintains silence' could easily be the title of a self-help book for politicians who just want some peace and quiet?.
• Headline: Catholics Plan Seminary. Impact: The acquisition of the Aragon Hotel for a new seminary inadvertently set off a wave of hotel conversions into spiritual retreats, because apparently, you can find God in a king-sized bed.. Fact: Fun fact: The Aragon Hotel was once known for its 'holy' breakfast buffet—eggs Benedict or divine intervention? You choose!.
• Headline: Kidder and Melia Chosen Judges of Criminal Court. Impact: The appointment of Kidder and Melia as judges of the Criminal Court initiated a series of 'Judge Judy' inspired courtroom dramas that have yet to be aired on mainstream television. Reality shows were never the same.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Kidder and Melia’ sounds like a buddy cop movie waiting to happen? 'Coming soon to a theater near you!'.
• Headline: U.S. Pilots Attack Near 20th Parallel; U.S. Bomber Pilots Attack Near the 20th Parallel. Impact: The U.S. pilots' attacks near the 20th parallel inadvertently led to the creation of a new reality TV show—'Survivor: War Zone Edition', where contestants had to dodge real bombs while strategizing for immunity.. Fact: Fun fact: The 20th parallel is now considered the unofficial dividing line between 'danger zone' and 'please don't go there, seriously'..
• Headline: Excerpts From the Senate's Debate on Bombing. Impact: The Senate's debate on bombing became a historic moment that would echo into the future, leading to generations of students rolling their eyes at overly complicated discussions in their own classrooms.. Fact: Did you know that 'excerpts from the Senate's debate on bombing' is a phrase that could clear a room faster than a fire drill?.