MARCH 29, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Legacy of Albert Clarke. Impact: If only Albert Clarke had invented a time machine instead of just existing, we might have avoided the entire existential crisis of the 21st century. Or at least had a more interesting biography.. Fact: Albert Clarke is probably just as confused reading his own headlines as we are trying to piece together who he actually was..
• Headline: First F-111 Jet Loss in Vietnam War. Impact: The loss of the F-111 was a pivotal moment that led to countless conspiracy theories about advanced aircraft technology falling into the 'wrong' hands. Somewhere in a dark room, a shadowy figure is probably still trying to reverse-engineer it.. Fact: The F-111's loss also inspired countless memes about military budgets and the 'greatest hits' of aerial misfortune. Talk about a legacy!.
• Headline: Military Aid Cuts Threaten Security, Warns Official. Impact: This warning about military aid cuts likely set off a chain reaction of political debates that ultimately led to a generation of politicians who think 'cutting aid' is synonymous with 'fixing issues.' Spoiler alert: it’s not.. Fact: In a shocking twist, it turns out that cutting military aid does not actually make you a nicer person, despite what some politicians might tell you!.
• Headline: S, CHAMPION TITUS. Impact: S Champion Titus probably had high hopes of being the next big thing in history, but alas, his legacy is now overshadowed by the F-111 jet mishaps. Talk about a rough break!. Fact: With a name like S Champion Titus, he could have been a superhero. Instead, he seems to have been just another name on the headlines list..
• Headline: Robb to Leave for Vietnam. Impact: Robb's trip to Vietnam was likely a small pebble that would eventually lead to a cascade of U.S. involvement in Southeast Asia. Who knew a simple plane ticket could alter the course of history?. Fact: Robb's travel itinerary probably included a stop for a 'free hugs' seminar, which, judging by history, was not the best idea..
• Headline: Mead Corp. Picks New 3 Directors. Impact: The election of new directors at Mead Corp likely set off a corporate domino effect, leading to the rise of board meetings that could put anyone to sleep faster than a history lecture.. Fact: Fun fact: Board meetings are where great ideas go to die... quietly and without any fanfare..
• Headline: 8 Inspectors Seized In City Milk Inquiry; Eight Milk Inspectors Arrested On Perjury Charges in Inquiry. Impact: The arrest of eight milk inspectors for perjury may have shocked NYC's dairy industry, but it also led to the invention of the phrase 'not my milk, not my problem.'. Fact: It's amazing how many people will turn a blind eye to milk quality until someone gets caught in a scandal. Moo-ve over, ethics!.
• Headline: PLANNING IS CITED IN SHIP OIL SPILL; Admiral Says Salvage Work Was Cut at San Juan. Impact: The planning cited in the ship oil spill incident probably sparked a campaign for better environmental regulations, which eventually led to the rise of hipster eco-warriors who can’t stop talking about composting.. Fact: Funny how a little oil spill can lead to a lot of big ideas—mostly about how to sell overpriced eco-friendly tote bags!.