MARCH 22, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Warsaw Student Sit-In Gains Momentum. Impact: The student sit-in ignited a firestorm of activism across Europe, eventually leading to a trend where students everywhere realized that sitting around can actually lead to significant changes... or at least an excuse to skip class. Fact: Sit-ins were so effective that they inspired the invention of the modern couch potato, who also protests by not moving for hours—albeit for different reasons.
• Headline: Fordham Advocates for Private College Funding. Impact: Fordham's decision to back aid for private colleges sent shockwaves through the educational system, leading to a future where college tuition becomes an Olympic sport—everyone's trying to outdo each other with the most ridiculous price tag. Fact: State aid for private colleges eventually became so convoluted that students needed a degree just to understand their financial aid packages.
• Headline: Amendment Suit Rejected. Impact: The rejection of the amendment suit echoed through legal history, leading to a future where constitutional debates became as popular as reality TV shows—who knew the 14th Amendment could spark such dramatic courtroom battles?. Fact: The 14th Amendment has been involved in more arguments than a family Thanksgiving dinner. It's the legal equivalent of that one uncle who won't stop debating politics.
• Headline: 5,900 Taxis and Police Cars Are Recalled by Chevrolet. Impact: The recall of 5,900 Chevrolets led to a nationwide obsession with car safety, eventually resulting in a future where every vehicle comes equipped with more safety features than an astronaut’s suit—because who wouldn’t want a bubble wrap car?. Fact: The steering column defect was so bad that it inspired a new wave of automotive engineers who thought, 'Hey, maybe we should just make cars that don't fall apart!'.
• Headline: Attack Denounced in Security Council; Malik Says Soviet Would Back Any Sanctions -- U.S. Deplores Assault ATTACK ASSAILED AT U. N. MEETING. Impact: The denunciation of the attack at the Security Council set a precedent for future meetings where everyone pretended to care while sipping coffee and scrolling through their phones – a practice that continues to this day. Fact: The U.N. meetings became a hotspot for diplomats to practice their poker faces while wondering if they were missing out on a really good brunch.
• Headline: First Negro Cadets at V.M.I.. Impact: The admission of the first two Negro cadets at V.M.I. sparked a wave of diversity initiatives, eventually leading to a future where military academies became as inclusive as a yoga studio in California. Fact: These cadets not only broke barriers but also set the stage for future discussions about diversity in places that historically preferred to keep things... well, monochrome.
• Headline: ROCKEFELLER NOT TO RUN, BUT WOULD ACCEPT DRAFT;; EXPECTS NO CALL Decision Leaves Nixon as the Only Active G.O.P. Aspirant Rockefeller Not to Run for Nomination. Impact: Rockefeller’s decision not to run left a vacuum in the G.O.P., leading to a future where political aspirants would treat presidential runs like a game of musical chairs—except the chairs were constantly being removed and replaced with more controversial ones. Fact: Rockefeller's non-candidacy was such a shock that it inspired a generation of political strategists to write self-help books titled 'How Not to Run for President.'.
• Headline: STROESSNER SAYS HE'S NOT DICTATOR; Paraguayan Chief, in U.S., Cites Result of Election. Impact: Stroessner's denial of being a dictator became a political meme, leading to future leaders everywhere borrowing the phrase 'I'm not a dictator!' as they simultaneously flexed their authoritarian muscles. Fact: Stroessner’s press conference was so memorable that it inspired a series of 'Dictator Denial' workshops for aspiring authoritarian leaders, complete with a certificate of participation.
• Headline: U.S. AIDES PLEASED BY THIEU'S SPEECH; President Stresses Action on Corruption and Bigger Role for Saigon's Forces Thieu's Speech Pleases U. S. Aides. Impact: Thieu's speech about corruption led to a future where politicians everywhere began to hire speechwriters whose sole job was to craft eloquent anti-corruption speeches, while the same politicians continued their less-than-honest practices behind closed doors. Fact: The phrase 'action on corruption' became the political equivalent of 'I'll call you'—it sounds good but often leads to nothing.