MARCH 9, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Itkin: The Informant Who Defied the Mafia. Impact: If Itkin hadn't decided to play the part of a spy, the Mafia might still be running the pizza joints and the local government right now, proving that even organized crime can have a decent PR campaign.. Fact: Itkin's bravery likely inspired countless Hollywood movies where the informant always gets the girl, or at least a solid paycheck..
• Headline: Students Explore Medical Careers at Einstein. Impact: This hospital visit could have sparked a revolution in healthcare careers, leading to a future where slum kids become the next great surgeons, but instead they just went home with a few more nightmares.. Fact: You know, because observing surgery is the best way to inspire a career choice in a field known for its long hours and student debt..
• Headline: Panamanian Assembly Discusses Impeachment Report. Impact: The impeachment plan in Panama likely led to a series of political upheavals, all because someone thought it was a good idea to air dirty laundry in public rather than just washing it quietly behind closed doors.. Fact: Impeachments are basically the political equivalent of airing your roommate's dirty laundry on social media..
• Headline: First Combat Duty For F-111's Is Due In Next Few Days; First Combat Duty for F-111 Is Due in a Few Days. Impact: The F-111s entering combat could be seen as the beginning of a long love affair between the U.S. military and high-tech weaponry, which would eventually lead to the invention of drones that can deliver pizza.. Fact: The F-111 was such a game changer that it was probably the original inspiration for every fighter jet movie ever made—because who doesn't love a good explosion?.
• Headline: Laotian Town Attacked. Impact: The attack on Attopeu marked yet another chapter in the ongoing saga of conflict in Laos, reminding us that where there are power struggles, there will always be innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire.. Fact: Civilians often become the unfortunate footnotes of history, overshadowed by the grand narratives of war..
• Headline: U.S.I.S. Office Is Attacked. Impact: The attack on the USIS office could have led to a spike in anti-American sentiment in Argentina, but really, it probably just made for awkward diplomatic dinners for years to come.. Fact: Who knew that firing on an office could be a form of expressing discontent? Next time, maybe they could try sending a strongly worded letter instead..
• Headline: American Wives in Paris Have Best and Worst of 2 Worlds. Impact: The experiences of American wives in Paris could have led to a cultural exchange program that either strengthens international relations or just results in more misunderstandings about who actually makes the best baguette.. Fact: Nothing like being married to a foreigner to give you a front-row seat to the delightful chaos of cultural differences..