MARCH 5, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: France Negotiates on U.S. Border Tax Disputes. Impact: France's retreat on border taxes led to a series of trade negotiations that ultimately resulted in the EU being formed. In an alternate timeline, they just ended up trading baguettes for baseball caps.. Fact: Did you know that if France had stood its ground, we might have seen the rise of a 'Border Tax Revolution'? Instead, we got croissants with a side of compromise..
• Headline: Insurance Plan Approved for New River Ship. Impact: This new river ship sparked a renaissance in river cruising, leading to the creation of a luxury cruise line that specializes in tours emphasizing ‘historical authenticity’— which means you get to wear a life jacket while pretending to be a 19th-century pioneer.. Fact: River ships today are like fancy hotels on water. Back in the day, they were just glorified floating rust buckets..
• Headline: East German Spy Sentenced for Atom Secrets. Impact: The East German spy's life sentence inadvertently inspired a generation of espionage thrillers in Hollywood, leading to a world where spies are more glamorous than actual diplomats—who knew betrayal could be so fashionable?. Fact: Fun fact: The real spy trade is nowhere near as glamorous as James Bond makes it look. Most spies just sit in a cubicle with a bad coffee maker..
• Headline: BERNARD J. DONESKI JR.. Impact: Bernard J. Doneski Jr.'s legacy lives on through a series of wildly popular family names. Had he been a more notable figure, we could have seen 'Doneski' become the next 'Smith' in the baby naming charts.. Fact: If you're looking for a unique last name for your child, Doneski might just be the ticket—it's not like you’ll find it in the top 1000..
• Headline: Pierre Rey, 70, an Operator Of Casino at Monte Carlo. Impact: Pierre Rey's casino operations influenced gambling laws across Europe, leading to the establishment of regulations that made casinos as safe as a trip to the DMV—thrilling, right?. Fact: Monte Carlo is the only place where losing money can feel like winning. At least you get a nice view!.
• Headline: Cause of Slum Riots Uncorrected In 3-State Area, a Survey Finds; Causes of Rioting in the Slums Unresolved in Three-State Area, Survey Finds. Impact: The unresolved causes of slum riots led to a series of social programs that were half-heartedly implemented—basically, a textbook case of 'too little, too late.'. Fact: Did you know that ignoring social issues can sometimes lead to rioting? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Gabon Striving to Overcome Impression She Is a Preserve of France, Her Former Colonial Ruler. Impact: Gabon’s struggle for identity opened the door for many nations to rethink their post-colonial relationships, sparking a series of awkward conversations at international summits about who really runs the show.. Fact: Gabon’s PR campaign to shed its colonial image was so effective that now people just think it’s a fancy French restaurant..
• Headline: Dr. Chrisman G. Scherf, 76, A City Hospital Executive. Impact: Dr. Scherf’s legacy as a city hospital executive led to a future of hospital bureaucracy that would make Kafka proud—because who doesn’t love endless paperwork and waiting rooms?. Fact: City hospitals are where the real drama happens, but they still don't have the budget for a good reality show..
• Headline: Carrier Corp. Elects. Impact: M C Holm’s ascension to CEO led to a series of corporate restructuring efforts that ultimately resulted in a company-wide obsession with buzzwords and team-building retreats—because who doesn’t love a good trust fall?. Fact: Corporate elections are like high school elections, but with less charisma and more PowerPoint slides..