MARCH 4, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wilson Ranked Among 20th Century Villains. Impact: If only Wilson had known he was vying for the title of 'Villain #4,' he might have chosen a less ambitious career path, like knitting. Instead, the ripple effect of this poll encouraged future politicians to embrace villainy, leading to an era where every leader thinks they can be the 'bad guy' and still win elections. Fact: Did you know that calling someone a villain doesn't actually give them superpowers? Just ask Wilson, who probably wished he had a cape instead of a poll ranking.
• Headline: Plymouth Approves Federal Takeover of Rock. Impact: The federal takeover of Plymouth Rock was the first step in a long line of government interventions that would eventually lead to the federal ownership of everything from your local park to your grandma's secret cookie recipe. Watch out world, the government is coming for your pie!. Fact: Did you know that Plymouth Rock was not actually where the Pilgrims landed? They probably just dropped their bags there while looking for the nearest Starbucks.
• Headline: College Students Drum Up Votes for McCarthy; 500 Volunteers Canvass in New Hampshire Towns Out-of-Staters Working on Weekends for Primary. Impact: McCarthy's campaign to rally college students foreshadowed a future where young voters would become the deciding factor in elections. Unfortunately, it also prompted politicians to pander to the youth, leading to an endless barrage of awkward TikTok dances on campaign trails. Fact: Did you know that college students have been known to vote based on free pizza? Just imagine if McCarthy had offered a slice for every vote—he might have won by a landslide!.
• Headline: 48 U.S. SOLDIERS KILLED IN AMBUSH ON EDGE OF SAIGON; 28 in Unit of 25th Division Wounded Near Airport -- Enemy Dead Put at 20 FOE'S BUILD-UP GOES ON Reported Troop Movement Spurs Fresh Speculation About Assault on Capital 48 U. S. SOLDIERS KILLED IN AMBUSH. Impact: The ambush that took the lives of 48 soldiers did more than just add to the tragic tally of war; it sparked a series of military strategies, debates, and a whole lot of 'what ifs' that would echo through history, leading to future generations pondering why we still can't figure out how to avoid such tragedies. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more tragic than the loss of soldiers is the fact that many of the lessons learned from such events are often forgotten by the next generation? History really does love to repeat itself.
• Headline: Mt. Scopus Open to Settlers. Impact: Opening Mt. Scopus to settlers became a significant flashpoint in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This seemingly simple decision sent shockwaves through diplomatic circles, leading to decades of negotiations, countless peace talks, and even more misunderstandings, proving that sometimes, opening a door can lead to a whole lot of chaos. Fact: Did you know that opening land to settlers is kind of like inviting someone to a party and then regretting it immediately? It's all fun and games until someone mentions the 'settlement' agreement.
• Headline: Two Negro Areas in City Face Cut in Poverty Funds; NEGRO AREAS FACE POVERTY FUND CUT. Impact: The decision to cut poverty funds in specific neighborhoods set off a chain reaction that contributed to ongoing disparities in wealth and access to resources. This event proved that, when it comes to poverty alleviation, cutting funds is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline. Fact: Did you know that poverty is like that annoying friend who shows up uninvited and takes over the whole party? Cutting funds only makes it invite itself more often.
• Headline: HARRODS SHOWING FINER U.S. WARES British Shoppers Displaying a Favorable Reaction; HARRODS SHOWING FINER U. S. WARES. Impact: Harrods showcasing U.S. wares was the beginning of the globalization of shopping, leading to an era where you could buy a British tea set while simultaneously ordering a cheeseburger from that quaint little diner across the ocean. Thank you, consumerism!. Fact: Did you know that shopping at Harrods is like going to an art gallery? The only difference is, at the gallery, you can't take the paintings home, but at Harrods, you definitely can—if you have the cash!.
• Headline: Jordan Town a Crossroads. Impact: The Bedouins collecting weapons in Jordan sparked a black market that would become a notorious hub for arms smuggling—a true testament to the idea that when you give someone a weapon, they might just start a whole new economy around it. Who knew that discarded weapons could lead to a side hustle?. Fact: Did you know that in the arms smuggling business, the motto is 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'? Or in this case, 'one man's discarded weapon is another man's ticket to riches.'.
• Headline: Tanker Split Apart; Oil Slick Menaces San Juan Resorts; Tanker's Oil Perils San Juan Resorts. Impact: The tanker disaster that created an oil slick in San Juan serves as a reminder that sometimes, our attempts to extract resources can backfire spectacularly. The event likely led to a stronger push for environmental regulations, proving that spills can be a real wake-up call—just not the kind you'd want to wake up to. Fact: Did you know that oil spills are the ocean's version of a teenage tantrum? They wreak havoc and leave a mess but ultimately teach us nothing about responsibility.