FEBRUARY 23, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Public Opinion on NYC Sanitationmen's Strike. Impact: This sanitation strike led to a revolutionary movement where New Yorkers began to question why they were paying taxes for services that didn't involve their neighbors' trash being strewn across the streets. The fallout? A future where everyone takes their garbage to space, because who wouldn't want to dumpster dive on Mars?. Fact: 59% of New Yorkers would rather back a garbage strike than have guardsmen collect trash. Apparently, trash collection is the line in the sand for city politics!.
• Headline: Marines Press On in Battle for Hue. Impact: The battle for Hue became a pivotal moment, not just for Vietnam, but also for the future of military engagements, leading to a long-standing tradition of over-complicating warfare and making maps that look like a toddler's finger painting.. Fact: They say a third of an area was cleared in Hue, but you have to wonder if anyone had a map that actually showed them where to go. Spoiler: they didn't..
• Headline: Impact of 1967 Six-Day War on Judaism. Impact: This newfound religious awareness in Israel eventually led to countless debates about faith and politics, which helped to create a future where everyone realized that arguing about religion is way more popular than actually practicing it.. Fact: Did you know that after the Six-Day War, people suddenly decided talking about religion was more fun than, you know, actually practicing it? Shocking!.
• Headline: Panel Pushes Cotton Loans. Impact: Pushing for cotton loans inadvertently sowed the seeds for the future American obsession with agriculture subsidies, leading to an entire generation of farmers who believe they can grow money on trees. Spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Funny how the government pushes for disaster loans, yet when it comes to disaster movies, Hollywood can’t get enough. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: KHEEL GIVES PLAN FOR PUBLIC UNIONS; In Report to Travia, He Backs Right to Strike Except for Health and Safety Units KHEEL GIVES PLAN FOR PUBLIC UNIONS. Impact: Kheel's plan for public unions eventually laid the groundwork for future labor movements, which in turn inspired many to believe that a strike was the best way to get a raise, leading to a future where everyone just stops working altogether.. Fact: Kheel thought it was a great idea to allow public unions to strike, just not the ones you actually need, like firefighters. Because nothing says 'safety' like a fireman who can't strike!.
• Headline: Barnard Ready to Attempt A Heart-Lung Transplant. Impact: Dr. Barnard's heart-lung transplant would ultimately lead to a future where organ transplants become so common, people will start casually trading organs like Pokémon cards. 'I’ll give you my left kidney for that heart!'. Fact: Dr. Barnard was about to do a heart-lung transplant. Talk about multitasking! Who knew organ donation could be a two-for-one deal?.
• Headline: U.S. DEAD AT 543 IN WEEK, A RECORD; Toll in '68 Rises to 2,242 -Saigon Toll Not Disclosed -- Wheeler Arrives U.S. Dead for Week at 543, a Record for War. Impact: The staggering loss of life during this week in Vietnam contributed to a growing anti-war sentiment, which would eventually lead to protests, rock and roll songs, and a future where no one can figure out exactly what 'peace' looks like.. Fact: 543 U.S. soldiers died in one week. It's almost as if they were trying to set a record for the worst week ever. Talk about a morbid leaderboard!.
• Headline: Peter Arno, Cartoonist, 64, Dies; With The New Yorker 43 Years; PETER ARNO DEAD; CARTOONIST, 64. Impact: Peter Arno's death marked the end of an era for political satire. This event catalyzed a future where cartoons became the primary source of news and opinions, leading to the rise of memes as the ultimate form of political commentary.. Fact: Peter Arno was with The New Yorker for 43 years. But hey, who needs fresh material when you can just keep rehashing the same jokes?.
• Headline: EGYPT HANDS OVER JAILED ISRAEL SPY. Impact: The exchange of the jailed Israeli spy would lead to an ongoing series of spy-themed movies, ultimately resulting in a future where every kid dreams of being a double agent—because clearly, the life of a spy is just a thrilling game of hide-and-seek.. Fact: Egypt handed over a spy like he was a lost puppy. 'Here, have your spy back!' Talk about international relations being more casual than a coffee meetup..
• Headline: Longshoremen Plan A Copper Boycott; COPPER MOVE SET BY LONGSHOREMEN. Impact: The longshoremen's copper boycott would lead to future labor strikes where workers realized they could just stop working to make a point, which ultimately inspired the concept of 'working from home'—the new way to protest.. Fact: Longshoremen decided to boycott copper exports. Because when in doubt, why not just deprive the world of shiny things? That's a solid plan!.